


The Tiger

by kamiyu910



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dreamers (Dragon Age), F/M, Heavy Angst, Rape Aftermath, Rite of Tranquility, Somniari, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 05:21:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16469549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamiyu910/pseuds/kamiyu910
Summary: Focuses on two characters, Jocelyn Amell, who becomes the Warden, and Holly, who was somehow transported to Thedas and discovers she's a somniari





	1. Chapter 1

The sun shone down on the Templars, making their armor shine as they carried the terrified little girl from her home. She was about four or five and her mother was sobbing on the path behind them while her father looked on with cold eyes. The girl was clinging to one of the Templars as they walked, and he could feel her shaking as she tried to hold back the tears. The poor girl had just discovered her magical abilities, costing the family a cow in the process, and the father hadn't hesitated to call the Templars in to take her to the tower. The Templar felt badly for the poor girl, but she was luckier than many who never even made it to the tower. How many bodies had he seen, of children the same age as the one he held now? The fear of magic was still strong, and the Chantry didn't exactly help ease their fears.

The walk to the tower was long. The sun was setting when they arrived at the dock and the little girl was asleep in the Templar's arms. His shoulders were in pain from carrying her so long without a break, but it was worth it to see her safely to the tower. As they took the boat over, he looked up at the

tower. Kinloch Hold, a large stone tower set on Lake Calenhad, was impressive in the dying light. He glanced down and saw that the girl was staring wide eyed at the massive shape sticking out of the water. She'd been a farm girl, never been to a city before, so seeing the tower was quite a shock for her. She looked up at him with her wide brown eyes, reminding him of a lost puppy and causing him to smile in return. She was a fairly plain looking child with her stringy brown hair and large puppy eyes, but like most magelings, there was just something about her that made her seem less innocent. He chided himself for thinking so negatively towards the girl and helped her out of the boat and up to the tower where she would spend the rest of her life.

 

* * *

 

Twelve years she'd been in the tower. Twelve long boring years. Oh sure they gave her things to do and she was kept busy with her lessons, but she was tired of the tower. She had vague memories of an open field, of feeling the wind on her face, climbing trees, and petting the horses, and she wanted so badly to just get away from the cold stone of the tower. They had been allowed outside for awhile until that blasted Anders had swam away. She remembered when he first arrived at the tower, scraggly blond hair a mess and with a scowl on his boyish face that could scare the darkspawn away.

He was a lot older than she had been when she arrived even though he had arrived maybe a year after she had. She always assumed he was about seven years older than she was, and even though they announced him by one name, he was called Anders because his father was from the Anderfels, and he refused to speak. She couldn't even remember what his real name was anymore, but she blamed him for them not letting the apprentices out anymore and she hated that he was able to escape, despite the fact that he was continually recaptured.

She was sixteen, and she was already antsy to go through her Harrowing although her friend Jowan had been there longer than she had and hadn't gone through it yet. She just knew she was ready, even if her mentor didn't think so. Anders had excelled quite well and he had been a mage for a few years already and she was jealous. Not only had he taken away her outside time, but he was also living it up in the mage quarters, and made frequent escape attempts without serious repercussions. She remembered what had happened to Aneirin.

Why had the elf been hunted as a maleficar? He had always been quiet, but he wasn't anything dangerous, just a lost soul afraid of everyone. She wished she had paid more attention to him, reached out to him, but she'd been a young child too focused on her own problems. She scoffed at herself. Her own problems? She had no problems other than being stuck in the tower as an apprentice. She wasn't hated by anyone, although she wasn't exactly the most popular person. She tended to be too stuck on herself, and she knew it but frankly, she didn't care. What good were her powers if she couldn't even use them? Why should they tell her about how powerful she was, if they wouldn't even let her use her full potential?

She sighed and shifted in her seat, realizing that the book she was holding was upside down. Thankfully the library was quiet and no one had come by in a while so she wouldn't have to worry about being made fun of for her mistake. She slammed the book shut causing the sound to echo off the walls, muffled by the bookcases, and huffily reshelved it before heading back to her bunk. Jowan was already in bed, reading a book of his own, and she grew angry seeing that his book was right-side up. Everything was making her angry lately. As she sat down on the bottom bunk under him, she could feel his smirk.

"Rough day?" He asked as he peered down at her. She glared at her boots as she took them off, refusing to give him a response. "Oh come on, you can tell me. Did someone over spice your soup? Was there a fly in it?" He was mocking her arrogance and she knew she deserved it, but she couldn't handle it. She was too frustrated. After tossing her boots under her bed, she laid down and turned her back to Jowan, feeling the tears come unbidden. She felt a hand on her shoulder, but she ignored it.

"Jocelyn." He said. "I'm sorry. You can talk to me, you know? I know you don't like it here, but we don't have much choice. We just need to accept it." She turned her angry, tear streaked face to him.

"How?" She asked, hissing. "How can I just accept that I'll never feel the wind on my face, that I'll never be free to love who I want, when I want? How can I accept that I am no better than a slave?"

"There are mages here who have it worse than you, you know." He chided her. "You're downright spoiled! You should hear the instructors go on about how quickly you can learn spells." She could hear a tone of jealousy in his voice and felt bad. She knew he wasn't as good as she was, and she was constantly rubbing his face in the fact. Her face softened as she looked into his sad brown eyes.

"I'm sorry." She said, sitting up. "I don't know why I've just been filled with so much anger and frustration lately. I just feel like I'm about to explode. You're right to call me on it when I'm being a bitch. You don't deserve it." He sat down next to her and they stared at the floor feeling awkward. A

few other apprentices started wandering in and Jowan shifted uncomfortably next to her.

"It's rough being here, and being young." He said. "We feel like we have our whole lives ahead of us, but all we can see in the future is exactly what we're doing now. There is no room for us to grow. There are mages here who have never been outside the tower and I can't imagine how they cope with it."

"At least you put up with me." Jocelyn said. "I think you're my only real friend here."

"That's not true." He said, but he didn't sound convincing.

"You know it is, and it's all right." She said, standing up. "At least the others are friendly with me. I don't think anyone actually hates me yet." She smirked and held out a hand to him. "Walk with me for a bit?"

 

* * *

 

A few days later, a new apprentice was brought in. Jocelyn was surprised he was at least as old as she was and assumed he must have been hidden by his family for a while before the Templars found him. They had announced his name as Iestyn and Jocelyn could tell he was nervous and didn't want to be there when they brought him to the apprentice quarters. A couple of the other apprentices quickly latched onto the young man and Jocelyn rolled her eyes. He wasn't bad looking, his shaggy brown hair falling into his face, hiding his doe-like eyes.

He certainly didn't look like he was opposed to manual labor, either, but she wasn't going to fall all over herself to impress him. She wasn't interested in base romances that revolved around quick trysts in the closet. She wanted something serious, even though that was as likely as her getting out of the tower. She had her dreams, and she didn't want them to be trampled on by reality.

Feeling herself fill with rage again, she quickly left the hall and went to the library to bury herself in a book. She was learning a lot just by the amount of angry reading she'd been doing lately and she was at least glad something good was coming of her free time. The book she grabbed was about griffins, one of her favorite fantasies. Oh to ride on the wings of the griffins with the Grey Wardens of old! But they had eradicated the darkspawn four hundred years prior and were barely heard of in Ferelden anymore. They had been banished by some king years back and it was King Maric eighteen years ago who had allowed them back in. His son, King Cailan, had taken his place and from the rumors she got to hear, he practically worshiped the Wardens.

As she was getting to some of the good parts, she was startled out of her trance by the new apprentice darting behind her. Angry at being interrupted, she turned in her chair to yell at him, but he looked so frightened her words stuck to her tongue.

"Please don't tell them I'm here." He whispered. Confused, she looked around but didn't see anyone. Then she heard the cackling and the giggling. Two of the more promiscuous apprentices came around the corner and Jocelyn was certain they were just looking to be the first to bed the boy. She glared at them as they looked her way.

"Oh, Jocelyn! Have you seen Iestyn?" One of the girls, a black haired beauty named Sara asked. "We really wanted to show him around the tower."

Jocelyn snorted, laughing. "More like you want to bed him!" She said. Sara blushed, but smiled.

"You saw him, don't tell me you don't want to bed that!" Sara said.

Her friend, Tabatha, nudged her. "She's still a virgin. I don't think she wants to bed anyone." Sara's smile faded as she looked confused at Jocelyn.

"Why wouldn't you want to bed anyone?" She asked. "I can't understand how you can resist the urges so well! Unless there's someone you aren't telling us about?" She laughed and Tabatha nudged her again.

"Come on, he's probably well hidden by now." Giggling, the teens left the library in search of their dream man. Making sure they were out of earshot, she turned and looked at Iestyn as he sat with his back against her chair.

"Not all the apprentices are like that, you know." She said, grinning. "But I'd say that's a new record. I guess they're just anxious for new blood!" He looked up at her and grinned back.

"Thanks for the help." He said. She shrugged, not sure if she really wanted to talk or if she should at least try to make a friend of the apprentice. She looked at her book and then sighed as she slid out of the chair and onto the floor next to Iestyn.

"I'm Jocelyn, by the way."

"Iestyn." He looked at his hands resting on his knees, looking lost.

"I suppose there are perks to being taken from one's home at an early age." She said. "You had time to make a life for yourself before the Templars got you. I barely remember what my home even looked like."

He shrugged. "My mom was glad to be rid of me. My dad probably doesn't realize I'm even gone yet. I barely ever saw him."

"Why wait so late if she's glad to be rid of you?" Jocelyn asked, confused.

He played with the fabric of his robe, bunching it up nervously. "It... was mostly my grandmother who kept me safe. She... she passed to the Maker."

"I'm sorry." She said, feeling like crap for bringing it up. "I shouldn't have pried. You haven't even gotten settled yet."

He shook his head. "It's all right. You didn't know." They sat in awkward silence for a while until Jocelyn started softly laughing. He looked at her, confused.

"Sorry... this is just becoming something I seem to do lately." She said. "Make awkward conversation, and then sit in awkward silence. I should go see if they need help in the supply room." She quickly got up and as she started brushing herself off, she felt him grab her hand.

"Thank you." He said. She smiled in return before leaving.

 

* * *

 

Jocelyn was walking back to the library from a lesson, pondering what her instructor had told her about the Tevinter Imperium. Was it as bad as they said it was? How bad could a place be if mages were allowed to be free? Granted there was still slavery, but how bad was it? If she ever escaped the tower, she would go there and see for herself. Maybe she should ask Anders for help on escaping. She almost crashed into Jowan being so deep in thought.

"Good morning." He said, laughing at her surprise.

"Oh bugger off." She said, growling.

"You must have been thinking of something, or someone, amazing to be lost in so much thought." He said, his tone light and playful.

"Just the usual." She said. "Thinking on how to escape the tower... And where to go once I do."

"But what about Iestyn?" He asked, suddenly serious. "You've been spending a lot of time with him lately, and you may not have noticed, but he's become quite attached to you." It had been a few months since the apprentice had come to the tower and he was finally starting to get comfortable in the tower and even made a couple friends besides Jocelyn. They were both fine with their relationship being platonic, though, despite hearing vague rumors about them. She knew Iestyn had someone he had started falling for, but he wouldn't even tell her who it was. There was something he was afraid of, but she didn't know what it could be. She sighed.

"I know, I would feel bad leaving him behind." She said. "But he's making other friends. I'm sure he'd be fine without me around." She knew it was a lie as soon as she said it. You don't just abandon your friends for your own personal gain.

"Don't lie to me." Jowan said, angry. "You know better. I don't need to remind you of how I would feel if you left me behind, either." She frowned.

"I know. I'm sorry, I just... I shouldn't have said anything." She hurried away, hating the fact that she couldn't escape because she had too many things holding her to the tower. Anders didn't seem to have any friends. He was smart, he knew that if one was to escape, he couldn't let anything hold him

back. Why couldn't she be that selfish? As she passed through the library, she heard angry voices coming from one of the back corners and had to take a look. She saw three male apprentices surrounding someone on the ground, but she couldn't tell who it was. Feeling her heart beating faster with anxiety, she stayed hidden, listening, wondering if she should intervene.

"You stupid fag." One of the boys spat on the person. "You think you're so special, you can love whoever you want?"

"We need to teach him a lesson! We don't take kindly to unnatural creatures in our tower!" Another one said. Jocelyn looked around, desperate to find a senior enchanter, or even a Templar, but there was no one else in sight. She felt like her body was on fire as she saw them grab the apprentice by the hair and drag him away from the bookcases. Her heart stopped when she saw Iestyn as the subject of their hatred and anger and as soon as they laid the first punch, she lost her control and charged in, blasting the group with mind blast. Only two of the boys were stunned and the third caught Jocelyn with a fire spell as she grabbed Iestyn, trying to drag him away. She let go of her friend and leapt upon the apprentice, punching him square in the nose, feeling the sickening crack as it broke. She got hit by an ice spell from behind and she turned and tried to attack, but the third apprentice grabbed her by the hair and managed to swing her head into a table.

Feeling stunned, she wobbled as she tried to cast stone fist, but the others were quicker and one grabbed her while the other two grabbed Iestyn and began beating him up. She fought with her captor, striking him multiple times in the face with her fist, making him let go of her so she could charge the other two again. She cast stone fist on one, knocking him away from Iestyn, and then jumped on the last, beating him as much as she could. She felt strong arms grab her from behind and she flailed, trying to score a mark on whoever had grabbed her, not noticing it was a Templar that held her. She suddenly felt dizzy and was dropped to the floor as she tried not to throw up. As she tried to regain herself, she noticed Iestyn being treated by Senior Enchanter Wynne, who was a spirit healer. Anders bent down in front of her and tried to get her to focus on him. She vaguely recalled he was also a spirit healer, but she wasn't sure she wanted him to touch her. She was still mad at him for being better than her.

"Are you all right?" He asked.

"No!" She yelled. "They were beating up my friend!" She tried to stand up, but the dizziness took her and she threw up. Anders helped her move away from the mess before she collapsed in it.

"You're bleeding pretty bad and you seem to have a concussion, just rest here and I'll have you healed in no time." He smiled as she stared at him confused. Bleeding? She felt herself blush as a surge of emotions built up in her at him smiling at her. She closed her eyes as he healed her, the rush of

voices around them becoming a blur of sound in her ears.

When she opened her eyes, it was quiet and she was no longer in the library. Sitting up, she looked around and didn't recognize the room. Her head was throbbing still and she had bandages on her head and a couple places on her arms, but otherwise she felt fine.

"Oh good, the sleeping beauty arises!" She glared as Anders approached her.

"Where's Iestyn?" She demanded. "Is he all right? They didn't hurt him, did they?" He raised an eyebrow.

"He's being cared for by Senior Enchanter Wynne, no need to worry." He said casually. Becoming a little more serious, he knelt down in front of her, looking her in the eye. "Do you know why they were beating him?"

She looked at the floor, a little confused. "I... they... the way they were talking, they made it sound like they didn't like him because he likes men, I think." It made sense, the reason he never wanted to talk about who he liked and the reason he never made eyes at the ladies. "At least that's what I got out of it." She felt bad saying it, as if she was betraying his trust.

"I wish we'd found out sooner..." Anders said, standing back up and pacing. "I mean about him being picked on. He never told you?" She frowned and shook her head.

"I had no idea." She said. "I thought he trusted me enough..." She closed her eyes and put her hands to her face, shaking her head in frustration. She hadn't been paying attention, she hadn't seen the signs. She hadn't thought sexual preference was even a problem. "I need to see him." She stood up and headed for the door, but Anders grabbed her arm.

"This is a very sensitive subject for him." He said. "You need to make sure you're not focused on yourself when you talk to him." She looked up sharply at the mage.

"I... I know." She said, on the verge of crying. "I know I'm not the best friend, and I know it must be obvious... I should have seen..." She rubbed her eyes, trying to stop the tears by turning to anger. In her frustration, she punched the door, instantly regretting it as her wrist started throbbing in

pain.

"Maker, are all young women this bad?" He said, grabbing her wrist and healing it.

"Probably not." She said, laughing from embarrassment. "I'm just some sort of special." Flexing her wrist, she looked at Anders suspiciously. He wasn't like the mage she'd seen grow up with her and she wondered if it was all just a front, just an appearance to throw people off. "Thank you, Anders."

He opened the door for her. "Just make sure you don't go punching any other unsuspecting, helpless doors, all right?" She blushed again at his charming grin as she hurried away. Trying to figure out where she was, she realized she didn't even know where they'd taken Iestyn. She turned around and ran back to the healing room.

"Um, where is my friend being kept?" She asked timidly. He grinned and walked out.

"Follow me, I'll take you there." She'd been in the tower for twelve years and she still didn't seem to know the place. What had she been doing all those years? Perhaps there was more to the tower than she had thought and decided that perhaps instead of bemoaning her meager existence, she should actually explore what she had. She certainly wasn't going to be abandoning her friends any time soon. Getting lost in thought again, she almost didn't notice Anders stopping in front of a door and knocking. A white haired older woman opened the door, looking a little disheveled.

"Hello Wynne, I have a visitor for the boy."

"Oh, Anders, come in." She looked at Jocelyn. "He's awake, but I don't want you to stay too long, all right? He still needs to rest and so do you." Jocelyn nodded, feeling like she shouldn't have come. Iestyn was sitting up in the bed they had, but he still had bandages on his face. He tried to smile as Jocelyn came in, but she could tell he was afraid and she didn't know why.

"Iestyn..." She said, her lower lip trembling. "I'm so sorry... Are you... will you be all right?" He looked confused, then glanced at Wynne. The older mage raised an eyebrow questioningly, but then nodded.

"Anders, let's give them some privacy." As soon as the door was shut, Jocelyn knelt down by the bed and took her friend's hand.

"Are you going to be all right?" He asked. "They got you a lot harder than me."

"I'm fine." She said, trying to ignore her own bandages.

"Did they... did they tell you why..." He looked at his lap, tears falling on his other hand.

"I don't care why." She said. "They had no right to do that to you!"

"Maybe if you knew..." His voice was quiet and she was taken aback. Did he really think her so callous and shallow?

"What, that you like men?" She asked, feeling desperate. She was a horrible friend for him to feel so afraid of how she would view him for such a thing. He looked up at her as she gripped his hand. She was shaking, she felt terrible and didn't want to lose her friend. She hated to admit it, but she was

realizing that she needed him. She needed Jowan too. She had gone on about how they needed her, but it was really she who needed them. She couldn't read his expression as he stared at her and it was making her wonder if she said something wrong.

"You knew?" He asked, his voice cracking.

"Not really, not until I heard them..." She wiped the tears from her eyes. "But it makes sense."

"And you don't care?" He asked.

"Why would I care?" She asked. "You're my friend! It doesn't change who you are! You shouldn't have ever felt that you needed to hide that from me. I should have been a better friend." He got out of the bed and hugged her. She could feel him shaking from crying.

"You've been a great friend, don't let anyone tell you otherwise." He said.

"But why would you be afraid of me finding out?" She asked, confused. "If you couldn't trust me with that, then how could I have been a good friend?" He let go and looked her in the eye.

"We haven't known each other that long." He said. "I wanted to tell you, but... where I grew up, it's just not done. Even the nicest people could turn on you if they found out."

"I've grown up here." She said. "I've seen my fair share of various couplings. Apparently not everyone here feels the same... I'm sorry I couldn't have helped more. I can't stand to think if I hadn't been there..."

He smiled. "I saw you rush in. It was amazing."

"I hope they get what they deserve and that you never have to deal with that again." She said. "I'll be afraid to leave your side now..."

"You can't protect me forever." He said. "But thank you. I appreciate it." There was a knock at the door and Wynne came back in.

"Back in the bed with you, young man." She said, glaring at Iestyn. "Jocelyn, you'll need to get back to your quarters as well. You need to rest and the knight-commander will want to speak with you about what happened." Jocelyn nodded and gave Iestyn a reassuring smile as she left.

The knight-commander found her in the hall on her way to the apprentice quarters. "Good, I'm glad to see you well enough to walk about. I need to hear your side of things."

 

* * *

 

After speaking with knight-commander Greagoir, Jocelyn ignored Wynne's order to rest and went looking for Jowan. She was still feeling disturbed by the events of the day and needed to talk to him. She felt people watching as she hurried through the tower and wondered what they were saying, about her and Iestyn. Would her friend have more trouble over the incident? Was she so naive that she was oblivious to the hatred in the tower? She knew that some people still had trouble treating elves as equals, but how far did it go? She cursed herself for being so stuck on her own little world. If she'd looked outward a little more, she may have noticed what was happening with Iestyn. Thinking back on it, she could remember small incidents that she just didn't think about. As she charged blindly ahead, she felt an arm drape around her shoulders.

"You need to stop doing this." Jowan said, laughing. "You might end up walking into something dangerous. Or someone dangerous." Jocelyn quickly grabbed her friend into a hug and held him tight.

"I'm sorry I'm such a terrible friend!" She said, crying again and taking him off guard.

"What do you mean?" He asked, pushing her away to look at her. "How are you a terrible friend?"

"Didn't you hear what happened to Iestyn today?" She asked, wiping her eyes.

"What does that have to do with you being a terrible friend? Or me, for that matter?"

"He didn't trust me enough to tell me he was being picked on and I was too blind to notice." She said. "I don't even know if you've been bullied. He didn't even want to tell me why he was being bullied because he was afraid I would turn against him too!"

"Jocelyn... You stood up for him. I wish I'd been there to see it." He said. "You proved to him that you're a good friend."

"What about to you?" She asked. "Do you trust me to tell me things that are bothering you? Or are you afraid I'll be dismissive about it?"

"Well... All right, maybe you could stand to be a better friend." He smirked, then winced as she punched him lightly on the arm.

"You're supposed to be the one who tells me when I'm being stupid." She said. "How else am I supposed to know?" He shrugged.

"Got you to stop crying at least." He said.

"I still feel like crap." She said. "I keep thinking about what would have happened had I not been there. Would the Templars have gotten there too late? Would he feel-"

"Hush." He said, putting a finger to her lips. "It's done and over with, you're just going to worry yourself to death this way! You were there, and now you can use this experience to better yourself."

"I... I think I'm going to have to think on this for a while." She said. "I find myself suddenly wanting to protect people. I have a Maker given ability, I need to use it for good instead of wasting it worrying about myself."

"Did you get in trouble for using magic against them?" Jowan asked. She shrugged.

"I don't know yet. I'm supposed to be in my bed resting right now." He rolled his eyes and started pushing her towards the apprentice quarters. "Then let's get you back to bed!"

 

* * *

  

Jowan had stayed with her, talking to her until she had fallen asleep, but she was alone when she woke up. It was dark and she could hear the other apprentices softly snoring or fidgeting in their beds, but she had no desire to go back to sleep. Feeling restless, she got up and quietly slipped out of the room. She felt a desire to go to the chantry and hoped the Templars wouldn't make her go back to bed. Feeling nervous, she hurried to the chantry.

She breathed a sigh of relief, seeing it empty, and went to one of the altars. She was never the most devout believer in the Maker, but she hoped she could get some insight into herself. The day's events were bothering her and she couldn't get rid of the feeling that she needed to focus on helping people. After so many years of focusing on herself, how could she just change? How could she even start the change? She supposed being in the chantry in the middle of the night with a strong conviction was a good start.

As she knelt, praying, her knees started hurting and she began dozing off. She suddenly found herself kneeling in front of a large statue of Andraste, red candles lit all around the base in remembrance of the dead. She looked down and found she was wearing much fancier robes, something a senior enchanter might wear. She slowly got up and looked around. She didn't recognize the building, but it looked like a chantry. As she started to move, a mother came up to her.

"Good evening, child. Is there something I can help you with?" The mother's voice flowed like honey from her cherry red lips and Jocelyn found herself entranced. "Many come here when they're feeling lost."

"I want to help people, other than myself." Jocelyn found herself saying. "I... I've been so focused inward, I've missed everything outward. My friend almost died because of it!"

The mother smiled, gentle and welcoming. "The first step to bettering ourselves is recognition of the problem. Many say that the gift of magic is a curse, but the Maker gave it to you for a reason. I can sense that you are deeply troubled by things you have seen and heard in the tower."

With each word the mother spoke, the more at ease Jocelyn was with her. "The bullying... We're all trapped in the tower together, we should be united, but there's more strife than I thought. I don't even know how far it goes. The elves... they get bullied. But people getting bullied for who they love? Beaten up so badly? I don't understand why!"

"And you want to be able to protect everyone from this injustice." The mother said, her expression understanding and soft.

"But how can I?" Jocelyn asked, frustrated. "I'm just one young apprentice. I'm not even a mage yet!"

"You have so much potential, though. You know you have more power than your friends." There was something in the tone that sent goosebumps up Jocelyn's back. "Why shouldn't you be able to protect everyone?"

"I... I don't know how!" She said. "Maybe that's why I've not been through the Harrowing yet."

"You underestimate yourself, child." The mother chided. "I can help you realize your true potential, if you like, so that you may protect everyone you care about." Jocelyn felt a little dizzy, but nodded.

"Any help you could give would be appreciated." She said. "But... how could a mother help a mage apprentice?" Her aching knees were starting to throb so she rubbed them, distracting her from the mother for a moment. When she looked back up, the mother had changed. It was a subtle change, but it was enough to send alarm bells ringing in her head. Her eyes widened and she started backing up as the demon showed its true form. A pride demon. How was she supposed to defend against such a strong demon?

"What does it matter what form the help comes in?" The demon asked. "You can be the strongest mage in ages, able to protect everyone you care for. You felt weak today in that fight. You were helpless to save your friend. If it weren't for the Templars... You can't have the Templars saving you all the time, can you?"

"No!" Jocelyn yelled, fear gripping her heart. "I cannot accept anything you have to offer. If I cannot protect my friends because I lack the power, then I will have to learn to live with that. I would not be able to face them with the power of a demon behind me. I would not be myself."

The demon came within inches of her face, smiling and showing its fangs. "I will be waiting, mageling." It laughed and then it was gone and her eyes flew open to see a Templar staring down at her. It took her a moment to realize it was Flynn, the Templar who had brought her to the tower.

"Jocelyn, what are you doing out here so late?" He asked, his tone betraying his worry.

"I... I couldn't sleep, so I came to pray." She said. She tried to get up but was feeling shaky from her encounter.

"You don't look well, you should see the healer." He said, helping her up. "I tried to wake you, but you wouldn't respond. Is there something you want to talk about?" Of course it would be a Templar to find her while she was conversing with a demon, and of course it had to be the one who knew her the longest. She shook her head.

"I don't... I need to speak to someone else, no offense." She said. "Anders? He healed me before." He eyed her suspiciously.

"You need to speak to someone about it." He said as they started to walk. "I know you know not to deal with demons, but even the best of us fail at times. I've seen good mages succumb, and I would hate to have to cut you down, but I will not hesitate to do my duty." She looked down, her cheeks flushed with irritation and embarrassment. Nothing was secret to a well trained Templar.

"They know how to play on our weaknesses, and I know that." She said. "I will talk to someone, don't worry about me. I may be young and stupid most of the time, but I know when to take things seriously."

"You're not at your strongest, girl." He said. "You were beaten pretty badly today, you shouldn't have gotten out of bed." She stared at the floor while they walked, not sure how to respond. She didn't need someone telling her what she should have done, she needed someone to help her deal with the future. She wasn't sure why she picked Anders to talk to, but he was better than Wynne. She didn't really want anyone to know what she'd experienced, even though all mages dealt with demons sooner or later, but she knew she needed some help. The instructors talked about his abilities, how powerful he was and how he was wasting it, so surely he had dealt with powerful demons before. When they got to his door, Flynn glanced at Jocelyn before knocking. After a moment, a groggy Anders with tousled hair, wearing just a thin pair of pants, opened the door, grumbling.

"This apprentice needs a healer." Flynn said. Jocelyn continued to stare at the floor, not wanting to be there at all. She was fine, talking could wait, but Flynn wouldn't have listened to her.

Anders became more alert and looked Jocelyn over. "Did something else happen?" He asked. "What's wrong?"

"I found her unconscious in the chantry." Flynn said. "And I suspect she was battling a very powerful demon." She could feel the older Templar's gaze burning through her.

Anders raised an eyebrow. "Thank you, I'll take it from here." He ushered her in and shut the door before the Templar could argue. "Take a seat and tell me what happened." Suddenly very nervous, she nodded and sat down in one of chairs as he unwrapped her bandages from her head.

Clearing her throat, she said, "I couldn't sleep... I was drawn to the chantry, but while I was praying, I fell asleep. I started dreaming about another chantry..." She stopped, feeling uncomfortable telling him.

"Is that when you encountered the demon?" He asked. His voice was calm and caring.

"It appeared as a mother from the chantry..." She said. "She was so kind, like she really cared about me." She laughed. "That's how they get you off guard." She felt the tingle of magic as he started healing her.

"What did you talk about?" He asked. She hesitated again, but decided she had to tell someone. Jowan was probably tired of hearing her problems anyway.

"I... told her I wanted to protect everyone, but that I didn't know how or if I even could." Jocelyn sighed. "The demon told me that I had the potential, that I could be the most powerful mage in ages with its help and that I could protect everyone. It knew how weak and helpless I felt... Asked me if

I wanted to continue relying on the Templars to save me..." She felt him stop.

"A pride demon?" He asked.

Jocelyn shuddered and hugged herself. "It said it would be waiting for me, and then I woke up."

He came around and knelt in front of her. "Why would you come to me? Why wouldn't you go to someone like Wynne? She's a senior enchanter and a spirit healer." He looked confused and concerned. Jocelyn shrugged a little.

"I'm not really sure..." She said. "I'm not very comfortable with her, she always makes me feel like I'm in trouble. And... well, I've always looked up to you. I still remember when you came to the tower, maybe a year after I did. I think it was hero worship." She laughed.

He smirked. "Was?"

She sighed again and frowned. "Then I started hating you for doing what I wanted to."

His eyes grew wide with surprise. "I'm always getting in trouble, why would you be jealous of that?"

"You weren't here as long as me and you went through your Harrowing years ago!" She said. "Even though they keep telling me I'm really good, I'm still waiting. Plus, you are a master at escaping this place... you've been able to experience Ferelden, while we're stuck in here. And, well, my irritation with you isn't just envy. You got our outside exercises banned when you swam off!" He gave her a sheepish grin.

"Yeah, sorry about that." He said. He became serious again. "Let's not change the subject, though. We need to talk about this demon..." They talked until the faint pink of the sunrise started peeking through the window and Jocelyn sighed.

"Today is going to be so fun." She said, sarcasm dripping from her words. Anders laughed and stood up.

"You should be fine today, but take it easy. I'll let your instructors know that you had a rough night." She looked at him suspiciously. "Don't worry, I'll keep the demon to myself. But let someone know if you feel like you're going to have any trouble."

 

* * *

 

Over the next year, Jocelyn had found herself seeking out Anders' company more and more often, fascinated by the man. He hid behind a thick wall of sarcasm and selfishness, but he really did care and she found they had a topic in common - the Templars and their oppression. Unfortunately, when Jocelyn turned seventeen, Anders escaped the tower again.

 


	2. Holly

Holly stepped out of the shower and finished dressing, pulling her jean shorts on, glad for the summer. Settling on a "Stay Weird" t-shirt, she slipped it on over her towel wrapped hair. As she pulled it down, her phone jingled, signaling a text from her friend, Janie.

"on ur way?"

Holly replied, "c u soon. Just showered." Putting her phone on the counter, she bent over and used the towel to finish drying her hair. When she stood back up, she was standing on a dirt path in the middle of a forest. She stood, staring at the massive trees, blinking, then she held up her towel and stared at it, wondering if it was the cause of her confusion. Shaking her head, she wrapped the towel around her shoulders and picked a direction to start walking. The path was small, maybe room enough for one car, but she couldn't see any tire tracks. There were many footprints, hoof prints and lines, as if horse and cow drawn carriages drove down occasionally. She cursed as she stepped on a sharp stone, but kept walking. There had to be some sign of civilization somewhere and she was determined to find it. As she walked, she wondered if she was just dreaming, if maybe she had passed out or something...

Eventually she stopped to rest and answer the call of nature, wondering if the scenery ever changed. It was relaxing, she admitted, but she wanted to go back home. She had plans and Janie was probably wondering what had happened to her, not to mention what her family would think to find her missing. Her mom would have a conniption fit and her dad would probably have a heart attack. Unless she was in a coma and she was just dreaming. How would she be able to figure that out, though? Everything seemed so real, she wasn't sure she could tell the difference if it was a dream. Sighing, she got back up and continued on her way. As the sun started getting low in the sky, Holly spotted a tower in the distance. It was too far away for her to tell much by it, but the design didn't look modern. What if she'd been transported to some rural area in Europe? That would almost be a dream come true, especially if it was in Germany.

Holly stopped to rest again, looking at her feet. They were bruised and bleeding, but she wasn't sure what other option she had. She hadn't come across a single other person the entire day and she figured the tower was her best bet. She didn't want to be stuck outside all night, she had no defenses. As

she sighed audibly, she heard the bushes rustling behind her, causing her to jump away from them.

"Well, what have we here?" A man stepped out of the bushes, staring intently at her while looking amused. He was wearing some sort of strange dress, or robe, and his sandy blond hair was tied up in a ponytail. Judging by his accent, she figured she was somewhere in England. He had an earring in his right ear, and she couldn't remember if that was a universal tell to know if someone batted for the same team or if it was just a cultural thing where she was from.

"I'm Holly." She said, feeling very nervous.

"And you're hardly dressed for a walk..." He smirked, looking at her feet.

"I... um. Yeah." She wasn't sure what she could say to that. She doubted it was common for people to just randomly teleport and she was already feeling out of place by her clothing.

"You may call me Anders, and I can help with your feet." He got close to her and gestured towards a large rock for her to sit down.

She looked at him suspiciously. "How can you help? Do you have fancy shoes I can wear?" He laughed, making her feel awkward and irritated.

"Here, just sit." She did so, tentatively, and he grabbed her feet. Just as she was about to protest, his hands began glowing and the pain started leaving her feet. She stared at him, eyes wide and mouth open, completely shocked.

"I... I... Wha..." She stammered as he stood back up. "Was... was that magic?" She asked.

He raised an eyebrow. "You act like you've never seen it before."

"I haven't!" She said. "Magic doesn't exist! I mean, it never did before! But then... Oh, I must be dreaming. This is all just an elaborate dream..." She put her head in her hands. Peeking out, she saw Anders with his arms crossed, still looking very much amused. "Please tell me it's a dream?" She pleaded.

"You are a very strange woman!" He said, laughing. "How is it that you have lived so long and think magic doesn't exist? Not to mention your clothing... Hmm, for that matter, where are you from? It's almost as if you fell from the sky!"

"I... I'm from California." She said. "And, well, I have no idea where I am now." Anders looked thoughtful.

"I have never heard of California before." He said. "But you're in Ferelden right now."

"I don't suppose that's in England?" She asked, hopeful but doubting.

"Again with the strange names! You really did fall from the sky, didn't you?"

"I didn't fall from anywhere, I just... bent over to dry my hair, stood back up and I was here." She ran her hands through her messy hair, wishing she could just go back home. "Look, if you're magical, can you send me home?"

"I'm afraid that's not how magic works here." He said. "Sure, I can heal you, but opening portals to other realms? Not my line of expertise. In fact, I don't know that it's ever been done before."

"So what am I supposed to do?" She cried. "Do you guys have any technology at all, like a phone? Computer? Radio? No? I'm just stuck here in this medieval world? Great. Perfect." She stood up and hit her fists against her legs in frustration.

"If you turn around, you can get to Lothering, otherwise you're heading to the tower of Magi." He said, shrugging.

"Is that a place I can spend the night or something?" She asked.

"If you really feel like it, I suppose you could try." He shrugged. "But don't expect me to go with you. I'm staying away from there for as long as I can." He smiled.

"Well, I don't suppose you have any water or something I could have before you run off?" Holly asked, her throat hurting.

"Oh, yes, of course." He undid his water skin and handed it to her, laughing at how fast she drank. "Enjoy the tower. It was a pleasure meeting you." He said as he took his water skin back. Holly frowned as she watched the mage leave. She looked back at the tower and wondered what would be better, to follow the mage or to go to the tower? The mage knew the land and had healing skills which would be most useful, but the tower was full of mages similar to him. As she turned to go after the mage, two men in heavy plate mail ran past her.

"There he is!" One cried. "Don't let him get away!" She watched as Anders bolted, but was struck down by a beam of light from the sky. Her hand went to her mouth as she gasped, wondering if they'd just killed the man. What had he done to deserve that? Was he some criminal and she'd just let him near her? She watched as they lifted him onto his feet, handcuffed him, and started bringing him back. He smiled sheepishly as they approached.

"Guess I'm going to the tower after all." He said when they got to her.

"Keep quiet, you." One of the armored men smacked Anders in the head.

As they walked past, she suddenly asked, "Can I come with you?"

The other man turned. "Why would you want to accompany us?"

"I um, I need somewhere to stay the night, and I was hoping I could stay at the tower... Or at least somewhere nearby if there is somewhere nearby anyway..." She felt so awkward. The two men shared a look, then turned back to her.

"Fine, but no talking to the prisoner."

"Yessir!" She said, quickly falling in line behind the men. As they walked, she noticed they kept glancing back at her, but with their helmets, she couldn't read their expressions. Finally, one of them stopped and turned to her.

"Your clothing, miss..." He said. "I've never seen anything like it. Where are you from?"

"Apparently I fell from the sky, or something like that." Holly said, annoyed with the whole situation. Since Anders hadn't seemed too surprised by the idea, she didn't think others would be. She saw Anders shake his head, as if he couldn't believe she'd just said that, but she wasn't sure why. The two men shared another look.

"Are you a mage?" One asked.

"Not that I know of." She said. "Before today, I didn't even know magic existed!" She was starting to get the idea that perhaps magic users were not strictly legal. They both looked at her, then put their helmets together and whispered. Holly couldn't make it out, but she was sure they were trying to figure out what to do with her. She didn't even know what to do with her, so anything they could do would probably be good.

"Come on, let's continue on our way." One of them said, snapping Holly out of her thoughts. She nodded and continued to follow them. The sun was starting to set when they finally got to the docks leading to the tower and Holly's feet were killing her. She hadn't eaten or drunk anything all day except the water Anders had given her and she felt like she was about to pass out. The dock worker helped them into a boat and rowed them across the lake. He had tried to make conversation, but the armored men were deadly quiet, so all attempts fell flat and he eventually gave up.

Holly stared up at the tower, amazed at its size. In the dying light, she could see it was made of large stones and felt very solid to her. As they walked up to the door, Holly suddenly felt like it was a mistake to go in, like something bad was going to happen if she crossed the threshold, but it was too late. The dock worker was already rowing away and one of the armored men was ushering her in. They were greeted by an older man wearing the same armor as the other two.

"I see you finally found our runaway." The older man said.

"Good to see you again, too, Greagoir." Anders said, sounding cheerful.

"Put him in solitary confinement." Greagoir said.

"What? Again?" Anders scoffed. "Like that worked the last time."

"For a year." The words were slow and deliberate, as if he enjoyed the cruelty they carried.

"What? No, you can't do that!" Anders cried as one of the men took him away. Holly started following, but the other man stopped her.

"Knight-commander, we found this girl with him." Greagoir looked her over and his gaze made her very self conscious.

"Is she a mage herself?" He asked.

"She claims not to be."

"We should have her tested, to be sure." He looked her in the eye. "What's your name, girl?"

"Holly, sir." She said. "Look, I've never used magic before, I didn't even know it existed before today. I just want to go home!"

He raised an eyebrow. "And where would that be?"

"California." She said. Maybe he had heard of it, but she was having serious doubts that she'd ever get home again.

"Is that in Thedas? I've never heard of such a place." Greagoir said.

"What is Thedas? What kind of mad world am I in?" She asked, getting frustrated.

"She claimed she fell from the sky, ser." Her guard said.

"Take her to Irving, he might know what to do with her. If he doesn't know, just stick her in one of the cells until we can figure this out."

"Seriously, I'm not a threat!" She said as the man lead her away. She bit her lip as they walked through the halls and up a flight of stairs, ending at a large room. A man with grey hair and a scraggly beard greeted them.

"And what is this? A new visitor to the tower?" The man asked. Holly assumed he was Irving.

"She claims to have fallen from the sky, first-enchanter."

"Indeed?" He looked her up and down. "And is this true?"

Holly shrugged. "Not really, at least I don't know if it is. I just bent down, and then when I stood up I was on that dirt road outside. I didn't actually fall."

"Oh, but you were transported in some way." Irving said. "You... are not of this world?" Holly kept her mouth shut, uncertain on what she should do. They were probably not going to let her go and she had screwed up by even mentioning anything about the sky. Well, her clothes certainly weren't helping. He walked over to her and put his hands on her head. She felt a strange sensation and then he let her go.

"Hmm, yes, I will need to speak with Greagoir about this." He looked at her guard. "Cedrik, I'm sure Greagoir gave you orders for her?" The man nodded. "Good, see to it she's well taken care of. I will get her in the morning." Cedrik nodded and grabbed Holly's arm, leading her out of the room.

"So what are you supposed to be?" Holly asked. "Just a guard, or..."

"I am a Templar, we stand watch over the mages." He said.

"Ah, and I take it you hunt them down if they escape, too, right?" Holly asked. "So that's what happened with Anders? He escaped?"

"It is for the good of the mages, and the good of the people." Cedrik said. He was matter of fact and Holly was feeling like he was more robot than human. She was also getting a foreboding feeling and wondered why she had decided the tower was a good idea. They weren't going to let her go either, were they? But she wasn't a mage, they had no reason to fear her just because she happened to be from a different world... All right, what would they do to someone from another world in her world? Laboratories, experiments, hiding, secrecy... They wouldn't be allowed to live their life. Why would this world be any different from her own, just because magic existed?

As they walked down the corridors, Holly saw the mages staring at her as she passed.

"So what are you going to do to me?" She asked nervously.

"Until the first-enchanter and knight-commander can decide, you will be spending the night in the dungeon." Holly felt her heart jump into her throat. The dungeon? Great. She should have listened to Anders and gone to Lothering. She thought he was a criminal when the Templars caught him, not just some poor dude unlucky enough to be born a mage.

Templars.

That was a strange thought as well. She wondered if they were a religious order in Thedas too. She blinked as Cedrik opened a door that led down into darkness.

Well, he did say the dungeon.

He grabbed a torch from the wall and led her down a steep flight of stairs to a room full of cells. He opened a cell and motioned for her to enter.

"Someone will be by for you in the morning." He said as he closed the door, leaving her alone in the dark dungeon. He had lit a torch by her cell so she could at least see what kind of muck pit she was thrown in. There was a pile of moldy hay in a corner and a bucket in the other corner that she didn't want to think about what it was used for. Except that she did need to use it. After using a bit of not-moldy hay as a wipe, she checked out the hay pile, making sure it would be a suitable bed. She laid down, finding it to be softer and cushier than she expected, and figured it was better than spending the night outside in the cold. After a bit of fidgeting to get comfortable, she drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

After she found out that Anders had been caught and thrown in solitary confinement, Jocelyn left her books and ran for her room. She had been doing better at observing the people around her, but losing Anders made her return to the selfish brat for a time. She stormed over to her bunk and flopped on her bed, unable to get the anger to dissipate and not wanting to take it out on anyone. She was starting to like the guy, too, and he had the gall to not only escape, but get caught. She shoved her face into her pillow and tried to imagine what it would be like to lose everything for an entire year... no human contact... horrible food... Would they even let him see sunlight? Would he even be the same when he was released?

"Oh what's your problem now?" Jowan asked crossly. She looked up quickly. She hadn't even heard him come next to her and was at a loss for words. She wasn't sure why but she felt a little ashamed at her feelings for Anders and didn't want Jowan to tease her over it. If he was in as bad a mood as he sounded, he would certainly have no pity for her feelings.

She laid her head back on the pillow and focused on something past Jowan. "It's nothing, I'm just tired."

"You look more like you're throwing a tantrum than trying to sleep." He said. "It doesn't have anything to do with Anders escaping again, does it?" She frowned, wishing he didn't know her so well.

"In a way, I suppose it does..." She said.

"I thought you'd changed." He said, angry. "But you're still holding on to that silly fantasy about escaping, aren't you? I should have known better. After everything you've said, too..." Jocelyn got up, her own anger flaring.

"How dare you!" She hissed. "I thought you were my friend! I don't care about escaping anymore! I care about Anders, and now he's locked away from everyone and everything for an entire year! How do you think he feels? And there's nothing I can do about it!" She shoved past the stunned apprentice and ran down the halls and didn't stop until she made it to the third floor and into a small hidden room she'd discovered where she proceeded to sob. She couldn't think of what was going on with Jowan, why he would be so angry with her so suddenly.

What did she miss? She'd been so distracted all day, she had no idea. Surely he remembered the talk they'd had! She couldn't just up and leave him, Iestyn, or anyone else, and she had told him so. Even though Iestyn had found someone to take most of his attention, he was still a good friend.

There was a knock on the door, jarring her from her thoughts and she quickly opened it, hoping her eyes weren't too red. She blinked in surprise at the young Templar staring back at her.

"I-I beg your pardon, I heard you crying." He said, stammering. "A-are you all right?" Wiping her eyes again, she nodded.

"Thank you, I... I think I'll be all right." She said. He stood there, awkwardly staring at her and she wasn't sure what to do. "I don't think I've seen you here before." She finally said.

"Oh! Um, yes, I'm new, it's my second day." He said.

"My name is Jocelyn, welcome to the tower, I suppose." She gave him a half smile.

"I'm Cullen." He bobbed his head nervously. "You... shouldn't you be in your quarters by now?" She hadn't realized so much time had passed and looked around for a candle that marked the time, surprised at how low it'd gotten.

"Oh Maker, I didn't notice... Thank you, Cullen." She darted past him and down the stairs heading back to her room. She slowed her pace as she entered the dorm and crept as quietly as she could to her bunk, hoping she wouldn't disturb Jowan. She wasn't sure why he'd reacted so bitterly towards her, but if he was going to be mean, she wasn't sure she could help him. As she laid down, she heard him shifting above her and then he dropped down beside her.

"Look, can we talk?" He whispered. "Not here." She nodded and he led her to the side area where apprentices got dressed, bathed, and such. "I'm sorry, for earlier. I had no right to take my frustration out on you."

"What happened that got you so upset?" She asked, perplexed. "I thought you'd have figured out I'm not leaving any time soon."

His shoulders slumped as he nodded. "I admit I had a rough day, and to see you there, brought back memories of you wanting to leave and... I don't want you to leave. You're one of my only friends."

"I didn't realize it was still bothering you after all this time." She said softly. "But I'm not going to leave unless they force me. No matter how miserable this place can be, we can at least be unified in our misery."

He shifted uncomfortably. "You said... earlier, you said that you cared for Anders. You know he's not one for a commitment, right? You're always going on about how you want a real relationship. He's not the right man for you." Jocelyn smiled sadly.

"I know." She said, staring at a crack in the floor. "But... a while back, after Iestyn got beat up, I saw a side of Anders I didn't know existed. He puts on a front, hides behind his sarcasm and selfishness, but he's surprisingly caring and we share a lot in common, more than I thought possible."

Jowan looked at her as if she had grown an extra head. "Pardon if I don't believe you. We've known him for as long as he's been here, how could he have kept that up for so long?" Jocelyn shrugged.

"He got here when he was about twelve, I'm sure he had a lot of practice." She said. "Look, I'm not interested in changing your opinion of him. It's not even like I'm in love with him." She laughed. She liked the man well enough, but she knew there was little chance of anything important coming of that relationship.

"Did you hear, they found him with some strange woman?" Jowan asked, whispering. "Brennan said he saw a Templar taking her down to the dungeon, but she wasn't chained."

"How strange is she?" Jocelyn asked, suddenly interested. "Like, Witch of the Wilds strange?" Jowan shrugged.

"Brennan didn't say, just that her clothing was funny."

"Well, that's certainly something to keep an ear out for." Jocelyn said. "But in the meantime, we should get back to bed. We can talk more about this in the morning."

  

* * *

  

It was still dark when Holly woke up and she wondered if the dungeon just didn't have windows. Stretching, she stood up and meandered to the cell door. There were no noises and no sign of any other person around, so she went and used the bucket again. Then came the waiting. After pacing for a while, she decided her time would be better spent doing yoga, something she was really good at. She was in the scorpion pose when she was suddenly aware of someone watching her. She quickly got out of the pose and saw a young man in Templar armor staring at her. Blushing, he quickly unlocked her cell.

"I'm to take you to the first-enchanter." He said. He sounded nervous.

"Thank you, I guess." She said as she walked out of the cell. He nodded and had her walk in front of him. She occasionally glanced back at the man, Her friend Janie would have thought he was incredibly hot with his bashfulness, black hair and dark blue eyes, and Holly couldn't deny he was cute, but not her type. He guided her to a room not far from the dungeon and she saw Greagoir and Irving waiting.

"I hope you slept well." Irving said as she approached.

"As well as one can expect from sleeping on hay." She said, frowning.

"Ah, yes, I apologize for that, but you must understand our position." The old man said. His breath stunk and she wanted to back off, but the Templar was right behind her.

"Yeah yeah, I know. So what, are you going to just keep me here or can I just go live my life?" She asked, knowing they wouldn't let her. Maybe they'd at least let her work in the tower, or live in a room, not the dungeon.

"I'm afraid it isn't that simple, girl." Greagoir said. "You lied to us, you are a mage." Holly's mouth dropped open as she stared at the man.

"Now Greagoir, that's not entirely accurate." Irving said. Turning to Holly, he continued, "Your powers are blocked, but in a way that would be easy for something to unblock at any given time."

"And so of course, I pose a threat. Great." Holly grumbled. “Just my luck...”

"We have come to the decision that we will unblock your power ourselves in a controlled environment." Irving said. "Are you ready?"

"Do I have a choice?" Holly shot back. She had no idea what was expected of mages in Thedas other than being trapped in the tower, and she didn't fancy that. Were they nothing more than prisoners? Slaves? What was their purpose if they couldn't go anywhere?

Irving looked at her sadly. "Then I shall begin." He put his hands to her head and closed his eyes while he messed with her head. She felt things happening that she couldn't explain and she could suddenly feel strange energies that she didn't know could exist. When he released her, she stumbled

backwards, dazed. The Templar caught her and grabbed her left wrist, holding her still while Greagoir came at her holding a knife.

"What are you doing?" She yelled, struggling to get away.

"This will only hurt for a moment. Hold still!" Greagoir said.

"We need your blood for your phylactery." Irving said.

"I don't want to give up my blood!" She said. The Templar was too strong for her to fight and Greagoir cut her just enough to fill a small vial full of blood. Irving immediately healed her, but she was freaking out, hyperventilating and having an anxiety attack. She was vaguely aware of a build up of the strange energy around her and then she passed out.

 

* * *

 

As she slowly came to, she heard Greagoir and Irving talking. "... still dangerous." Greagoir was saying.

"She just needs time. I will not allow the Rite of Tranquility until I know she won't submit." Irving said.

"We know nothing about her!" Greagoir said.

"We can keep her secluded until she learns to control her powers." Irving said.

"First-enchanter..." She heard the Templar say. "I think she's awake." Holly didn't want to open her eyes, her head hurt too badly, but she could feel them staring at her. Groaning, she put a hand over her face and sat up.

"How do you feel?" Irving asked.

"Like someone hit me in the head." She grumbled.

"Come on, let's get you up and I'll show you to your room." Irving reached down to help her up. She hesitated, then took his hand and got up. "Henri, can you see that she gets apprentice robes?" The Templar bobbed his head and ran off. As Holly followed Irving out, she could feel the knight-commander glaring at her and it terrified her. She had no idea what the Rite of Tranquility was, but it didn't sound very good and she was feeling like she should be the best little mage they ever had because it seemed to mean her life. Irving led her to a small room that had a bed, wardrobe, vanity, and a small bathing area in it, a room that felt comfortable but also prison-like.

"This will be your new home." Irving said. "Make yourself comfortable, but please don't try to leave. I will send your mentor up soon along with some food. I expect you're famished by now, yes?" Her anxiety had her stomach in knots and she wasn't sure she could eat, but she nodded. If they wanted her to eat, she would eat. "I will take my leave, but if you have any need, there will be Templars and mages patrolling the hall." After he shut the door, she heard a key turn in the lock, the sound of her doom. She crumpled on the bed, sobbing.

No one was going to save her, she was trapped and her family and friends didn't know where she was. They had no idea what had happened to her and she couldn't tell them. She was isolated from everything she ever knew and loved, and isolated from the rest of the tower as well. At least it wasn't as bad as what had happened to Anders... He was stuck without human contact for a year. She at least got a mentor. When she heard the key in the lock again, she wiped her eyes and stood up. A man in a robe walked in and set a pile of clothing down for her, then looked at her. He had a strange sunburst mark on his forehead, and she wondered if it was a brand to set him apart, or a tattoo he chose willingly.

"Here are your clothes." He said, his voice flat and unfeeling. "Your food is on its way, is there anything else I can bring you?" He had no emotion in his eyes and it made her feel more like a caged animal. She just shook her head and he left. Sorting through the clothes, she saw they had given her

undergarments as well as two sets of robes. She hid in the bathing room and started trying on the clothes, figuring out how the undergarments went. The robes were fairly easy to put on and they were comfortable. The leggings were also soft and stretchy. She looked around but they hadn't given her any shoes, so she'd just have to make do without. She put the remaining clothing in the wardrobe and waited for the food to come.

Holly was beginning to consider napping when she heard a knock, and then the key turning. Getting up, she was faced with an older woman with white hair and a stern face carrying a tray of food. It looked like some sort of meat, bread, and maybe vegetables with a flagon of something to drink. The woman set it down and Holly saw she was wearing similar robes to the first-enchanter.

"I am Senior-Enchanter Wynne and I am to be your mentor." Wynne smiled. "I admit I was expecting someone a bit younger when they told me there was a new apprentice in the tower."

"Yes well, I didn't get my powers until recently." Holly sighed. Then she chided herself, she was supposed to be a good little mage, not a bitter sarcastic thing. "I'm Holly, although I'm sure you've been told that already." She tried to smile, but it felt weak.

"You must be exhausted after such a trip." Wynne said. Holly looked at her oddly, wondering what she was talking about.

"What did they tell you about me?" She asked, crossing her arms.

"Not much." Wynne said. "They mentioned you'd come from some far away land and that you were new to your powers, but other than that, Irving was more worried that you start your lessons immediately." Holly nodded.

"I came in last night, so I had a full night's rest." She said, trying to reassure the older mage that she was fine. Her soul was in turmoil, but there was nothing anyone could do to help with that.

"Well that's good to hear." Wynne smiled. "Shall we begin?"

 


	3. Troublesome Demons and Templars

Wynne taught Holly all about the Fade, spirits, and demons, talking about how mages could tap into the Fade energies to create magic spells. She told Holly she would have to be careful and never trust anyone in the Fade because they could be a demon in disguise. Demons were tricky and manipulative spirits who preyed on weaknesses. There were Rage demons, Hunger demons, Desire demons, Sloth demons, and of course the most powerful, the Pride demons. There were more types, and probably some they'd never encountered before.

Spirits were less known, since they tend to stay away from mortals, but they embodied the good virtues of mortals, such as Justice, Valor, and Faith. Wynne warned Holly that she could enter the Fade while asleep, since she hadn't already experienced it, and that she could 'wake up' in the Fade, rather than just dreaming. Holly could tell her mentor had more than a few questions to ask her, but was surprised the old mage was holding back. She had to remember not everyone was going to treat her like a prisoner. She figured most people probably wouldn't, just the ones in charge. She wondered how many mages and apprentices felt like prisoners and how many thought the Circle of Magi was a necessary thing.

That night, with the knowledge she'd learned, Holly 'woke up' in the Fade. The sky was green and black and she could see islands floating throughout the sky. The island she was on was almost barren, just bland tan ground with some raised areas like rocky hills, arches and spires. Looking around, she wondered what it was that people were supposed to do there. Did they just practice magic? Did they find other people to talk to?

She had a sudden idea and looked around. Anders may have been put into solitary confinement, but did that mean they cut him off from the Fade too? After wandering around for a bit, she found a blue swirling portal. She put her hand on it and found herself in a different area that she proceeded to explore. As she wandered, she caught sight of Anders. As she approached, she suddenly felt afraid, wondering if it was just a demon in disguise like Wynne had told her about.

"It's good to see you again!" Anders said as she got closer. "Solitary confinement is so incredibly boring, I'm glad someone decided to visit." Holly frowned.

"How do I know you're not just a demon?" She asked. "How can you prove that you're Anders?"

He laughed. "I doubt I could say anything to alleviate that fear."

Holly pondered. "I would assume demons go by memories, so anything I know you know, and anything I don't know, I won't be able to tell if you're making it up."

"You know, I thought you didn't know what magic was." He said, getting closer to her.

"I still don't." She said. "Irving... forced it on me. Made me a mage."

"You have so much power in you, don't you want to use it?" He asked. Holly shrugged.

"Not really, I just want to go home. I have family, friends, a life... or at least I did. I can't imagine what they must be going through right now..." She clenched her fists, determined not to cry in front of the mage.

"With your new power, I can help you get back." Anders said. Holly stared at him.

"You said it's never been done before and you didn't know how." She said suspiciously.

"I didn't know your true potential at the time." He said. "Do you understand what kind of power you have? Come with me, I can show you what you can do, and together, we can escape the tower together and find a way back to your world!" Holly started backing up, not liking the look in the mage's eyes.

"I think I'm going to go back to my body, alone, now." She said.

"There's nothing to be afraid of." Anders said. "Let me show you what your powers can really do!" She felt him touch her head and it was like a shock of ice water being dumped on her. She shot her head up and stared at the demon. It felt like the world had been ripped out from under her and her legs became weak, causing her to fall to her knees, nauseous.

"Wha... What did you do?" Holly asked. As she spoke, something felt different in her head and the Fade changed. It reminded her of the movie the Matrix, where Neo could suddenly see the code and could manipulate it.

"You have so much power." The demon said. Holly could feel the lust in its voice and it disturbed her.

"You want it." Holly said, standing up. "You want to use my power for yourself? Look, just leave me alone. Thank you for showing me this trick, but I really don't want anything to do with you."

The demon Anders' face twisted in rage. "You cannot hope to escape me. I will have you, willingly or not!"

"That's not cool!" Holly yelled. "Stop messing with my head! Show yourself for who you really are!" The demon laughed.

"But this is so much more fun!" It said, blasting her with an ice spell and freezing her to the spot. Holly started panicking. She wasn't ready to fight a demon! Especially something as strong as a Desire demon! She started freaking out again and broke out of the ice spell. She started running away from the demon, hoping she could somehow escape the Fade. In her panic, she had forgotten everything Wynne had told her and what the demon had just shown her. As she ran, the demon hit her with another spell, sending her flying.

She laid there, stunned, then instinctively reached over and pulled the ground over her like a blanket. _This is easy!_ She thought, smiling as she felt the demon claw at the ground. Holly quickly used the ground like play-doh and wrapped it around the demon, crushing it. Holly saw the demon for what it was, a violet feminine looking creature with horns and a tail, and suddenly hesitated in killing it. That hesitation was all it needed to break free and attack Holly again, knocking her down. Holly grabbed the ground again and enveloped the demon's face, once more crushing it, only this time Holly didn't hesitate to kill it. She felt sick and just wanted to go to sleep.

 

* * *

 

When Wynne arrived the next day, Holly told her about the demon. "I entered the Fade last night, but I found a demon. It looked just like Anders, and sounded like him too!"

"How did you know it was a demon then?" Wynne asked.

"I didn't at first, but it kept talking about my power, and using my power. That just struck me as something a demon would say. Then it attacked me..."

"You are very lucky." Wynne said. "Demons can be very persuasive. I think I should probably teach you how to properly defend yourself against them. Please, tell me about the encounter..." Holly felt nervous about telling Wynne exactly what the demon did to her head, and the power she had been shown in the Fade, so she told the old mage a modified version.

 

* * *

 

As the weeks went by, Holly stayed out of the Fade, but she kept getting nightmares and she felt like demons were plaguing her. Her studies were going well, and although it was a hard concept to grasp at first, she started to really enjoy using magic. She was beginning to think that maybe being stuck in the tower wasn't such a bad thing, although she was incredibly lonely. For some reason, they still felt it necessary to keep her in her room.

After a month had gone by, Holly ventured into the Fade again. She still wanted to find Anders, just to see if she could, but the thought of finding more demons terrified her.

Wynne had prepared her fairly well, but she had yet to put that training into true practice. She took a deep breath and began wandering around the Fade. As she went, she began to notice things about the Fade that she thought interesting. She stopped and began to manipulate the Fade like she had the last time she was in, imagining her room. She closed her eyes and envisioned everything as it was when she had left, down to the phone on the counter. When it was done, she opened her eyes and smiled. It looked just like she had left it. As she stared at the phone, she broke down crying, destroying what she'd made.

After a week or two of traveling the Fade, Holly was beginning to think no one else did. Either that or the Fade didn't let people actually communicate together. Grumbling as she meandered about, she almost ran into Anders. He turned quickly and stepped back, surprised.

"Well, I didn't expect to find you here!" He said, frowning.

Holly narrowed her eyes and stared at him. "And how can I tell if you're a demon or not?" She asked.

He snorted. "I could ask you the same thing. You're not supposed to have magic, after all." She pondered for a second.

"Irving broke my brain." She said. "He said I was a threat, so he made me a mage and locked me in the tower. Besides, I know how to show you I'm not a demon. All I have to do is talk about my computer, phone, internet, or anything else anyone on your planet has never heard of."

"You're still a very strange person." He said. "Wait, why would you be a threat? How did Irving make you a mage?"

"He said something about my power being blocked, but that it'd be easy to unblock, and so he did and then they freaking bled me!" She pointed at her arm. "They stole my blood. What the hell is a phylactery and why did they need my blood?"

Anders frowned. "They can track you down using your blood." He said. "That's usually how they find me so quickly. So they made you a Circle mage. What do you think of it so far?" Holly was beginning to think it wasn't a demon after all and started to relax a little.

"I... well at first I hated it." She said. "But I suppose it could be worse. I'm starting to enjoy using magic at least. It's just so lonely! They keep me locked up. Greagoir thinks I'm still a threat, even though I try so hard to show I'm a good little mageling. I need people to hang out with or something

though. All I have is a mentor and someone who comes in to clean every day. Sorry, I shouldn't be dumping this on you, I just haven't had anyone to complain to."

He smiled. "It's perfectly understandable. You should try solitary confinement, though. That's a whole lot more fun."

Holly laughed. "No thank you! But hey, at least you can come here, right? Surely other mages have come to talk to you." He shook his head.

"I'm rather surprised you found me." He said. "I didn't think anyone would actually want to talk to me."

"It took me long enough, and you're not the first you I've found..." She crossed her arms and grumbled. "Demons suck. It's not easy to get past the fact I've had to kill you."

He raised an eyebrow. "They used my form?"

"I don't even know why. I mean, sure I was looking for you, but I don't even know you. You'd think they'd try to pick someone like Wynne or even the first-enchanter."

"You were actually looking for me?" He asked.

"Well yeah, I thought you needed company." Holly shrugged. "If I'm having a hard time being isolated, I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. When I first saw the Templars capture you, I thought you were a criminal. Then they told me all you did was escape! And I blindly followed the stupid Templars into this... prison. Where I'm from, we only lock up the completely insane and the criminals, and even then we have technology that allows us to let criminals out into the public. Solitary confinement is something reserved for violent people who can't get along with others. So... you can understand how I'm feeling, being locked up, forced to become a mage... I just want to go home." She felt the tears threatening again and bit her lip to distract herself. Anders had enough problems, he didn't need to deal with hers too.

"I'm sorry..." He said.

"Why? You tried to warn me, I just didn't listen." She suddenly had a marvelous idea, but was afraid of what he'd say about her powers. From all Wynne talked about, she never mentioned mages being able to manipulate the Fade like she could, so she constantly wondered if the demon had done something wrong to her. Tossing caution to the wind, she said, "Look, let's just forget all this depressing crap and let me show you something I just learned how to do!" He looked at her confused and suspicious, but nodded. She closed her eyes and focused on building her house, including her yard. When she opened her eyes, they were standing in her bedroom and Anders looked shocked.

"Maker's breath..." He stared at her. "Did you make a deal with a demon for this power?" His voice was full of disgust.

"Good heavens no." She said. "I don't think I did. I mean, the first demon I encountered opened my eyes to the Fade, but then I killed it. I don't know if it gave me this ability or not, but I didn't make a deal with it." Anders stayed silent, looking around the room. She had created it how she last remembered it, which included the pile of laundry on her bed. He reached over and picked up her phone from the counter.

"Here, let me show you." Holly said, reaching over and hitting the power button. A picture of her cat appeared and Anders stared at it, confused. "It's my mobile phone. Um, a communication device so we can talk to people who are thousands of miles away. Come on, I'll show you the TV." She took him to the living room and turned her TV on and ended up getting commercials. "Oh, bother, let me think of a movie..." The first thing she thought of was Pacific Rim and it popped up on the screen when Gipsy Danger was killing the two Kaiju by itself.

"You mean to tell me that those things exist in your world?" Anders asked, looking frightened.

"No, this is just a movie. A movie is something we make to show other people a story that's in our heads." She said. "In the Fade, I could probably make a movie to show you all by myself. I could show you anything here. The Fade isn't near as fun without someone to share it with."

"Could you..." He was nervous and she could tell he hadn't quite decided if she was a demon or not yet.

"I am only limited by my imagination, I think." She said. "I haven't quite gotten the hang of it completely yet, but I'm catching on pretty quick." Anders leafed through some papers on the counter looking concerned.

"Is this too much?" Holly asked. "I sprung too much on you all at once, didn't I... you're not used to this in general, and for me to just dump you here in my house..."

He glanced up at her. "It is a lot to take in. It's really hard to convince myself that you do not have the aide of a demon in this magic. I've never heard of a mage who could do this."

Holly sighed and walked into the kitchen. "Well, I didn't. I've killed all the demons I've run across so far." She glanced over at Anders. "Which, by the way, was incredibly difficult seeing as the first one looked just like you." She pulled open the fridge and grabbed a gallon of milk, wondering if it was possible to eat. The milk felt cold, so she opened it and took a swig. Staring at it, she sighed. "I need to work on food." It hadn't tasted like anything, nor had she really felt it. Maybe food just wasn't something one could do in the Fade.

"I think I want to go back now." Anders said. Holly looked down at the floor, feeling like she'd screwed up. She overdid it, freaked him out, and now she wouldn't have anyone to talk to except Wynne. She made her house disappear and they were standing in the raw Fade again.

"Sorry..." She said, still looking at the ground. "I got too excited and overdid it again." The silence was awkward and she started thinking she should just leave when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"It can't be easy." He said. "I have really no idea what it must be like for you." She turned and looked at him.

"Absolutely confusing." She said.

"I'll wait for you tomorrow." He said. "But let's try to keep the surprises to a minimum, yes?" He smiled and she laughed.

"I'll try. I can't promise anything though."

 

* * *

 

Jocelyn kept trying to find any information on the new apprentice, but things were being kept rather secretive. She'd only learned that Wynne was assigned to her as a mentor and that she was fairly new to her magic despite being about the same age as Jocelyn. A few weeks went by with no new information and Jocelyn started to lose interest. By the time Anders had been in solitary confinement for three months, they let the apprentice out of her room. Jocelyn was eating lunch when Jowan came up to her to tell her.

"I saw the new apprentice today." He said. Jocelyn stopped eating and stared at him.

"Is she as weird as Brennan said?" She asked, wiping her mouth.

He shook his head. "She looks pretty normal to me, aside from her short blond hair and blue eyes... But she does look lost. She's in the library just staring at the books." Jocelyn stood up, picking up her plate and handing it to a kitchen worker before heading off to the library with Jowan. It wasn't hard to tell who the new girl was, staring at the books with a definite lost look to her.

"Hello!" Jocelyn said as she approached the apprentice. "So they finally let you out, eh?" The girl turned and stared at Jocelyn.

"Hi, yeah, they did." She brushed her hands nervously on her robe. "My name's Holly, if you hadn't heard yet."

"I'm Jocelyn, and this is Jowan."

"A pleasure to meet you." Jowan said, smiling. Holly smiled timidly back.

"It's a bit weird to be social after so long in that room." Holly said, then frowned. "Poor Anders... Do you know Anders? They locked him in solitary confinement. I at least had a mentor..."

Jocelyn looked down at the floor. "Yes, we know Anders. I can't believe they did that to him!"

"They won't be able to break him, you know." Jowan said. "But they'll try. The Templars don't like it when their mages escape."

Holly looked nervously around. "Are we allowed to speak out against Templars?"

Jocelyn and Jowan shared a look. "For the most part." Jocelyn said. "But, if they think we're a threat, then they'll do something about it."

"Like the Rite of Tranquility!" Jowan said, disgusted. Holly's eyes went wide, but she didn't say anything.

"Don't worry, Holly, you should be fine." Jocelyn smiled and put a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder. "You'll soon learn all you need to about the tower. So, tell us... Where are you from? How'd you get captured?"

Holly smiled sadly. "I was wandering around Ferelden when Anders found me. He helped me, but then the Templars found him, and took me too. If he hadn't stopped to help me, I wonder if he'd been able to be free for a while longer."

Jocelyn shrugged. "Not with the phylacteries. They would have tracked him down sooner or later. If they were that close, helping you probably didn't matter." The three started discussing other things and Jocelyn found herself liking the girl.

 

* * *

 

As time went on, Holly began counting Anders as a friend, rather than just someone to commiserate with over their similar situations. After a few months, Holly was moved out of her room and down with the other apprentices, but she still sought out Anders' company in the Fade. After being isolated for a while, she was finding it hard to adapt to the social aspect of the new world, but she slowly started making friends. One in particular, Jocelyn, seemed quite fond of her and Holly found herself clinging to her new friend.

Jocelyn had been taken from her family when she was four and had been at the tower almost fourteen years. She said she didn't really remember her family anymore, but she didn't want to stay locked in the tower either. She still remembered how the breeze felt on her face, the grass on her hands, the smell of the trees... Holly was tempted to show her what she could do in the Fade, but was afraid her friend would become afraid of her. Anders was still wary every time she did something in the Fade. She figured the fewer people who knew, the better.

After a while of walking around the tower, Holly started noticing something with certain Templars and how other apprentices reacted to them. Nervous glances as the Templars walked by, some apprentices shying away if they got too close. Holly wondered what the Templars did to the apprentices to cause such a reaction and then wondered why nothing was done to stop it. Surely the mages had some rights?

One day in the library, Holly was with Jocelyn and two other apprentices, Jowan and Sara, when a Templar walked by and Sara seemed to shrink away from him.

"Are you all right, Sara?" Holly asked. "What do the Templars do to apprentices? I can tell something's going on." The others looked at her, a little sadly.

"There are a couple Templars to watch out for." Jocelyn said. "They... enjoy touching the apprentices, they enjoy the power over us..." Sara stared at the floor, quiet.

"Is there nothing that can be done?" Holly asked.

Jowan scoffed. "They care nothing for us. We're lucky we're allowed to live." Sara looked panicked and tried to hush Jowan before someone heard him. Holly frowned and watched the retreating Templar while her friends started bickering about Circle rules and leashes. She would have to watch the Templars carefully.

After what Holly had heard about the Templars, she kept an eye and ear out for them. She pinpointed it to two Templars, Cedrik and Kynon. She remembered Cedrik as the one who locked her in the dungeon, but she'd never really seen Kynon before being let out. She tried to stay in public areas, keeping at least one person with her at all times since they only seemed to go for apprentices who were alone, but one night she was kept late by a senior enchanter and had to walk back to her quarters by herself. As she hurried down the empty halls, she heard voices coming from the Chantry. Curiosity piqued, she crept by the open door and saw Kynon and Cedrik with a young male elven apprentice pinned to the wall.

"Don't worry, we'll be quick." Kynon said, sneering. The apprentice whimpered as the Templar's hand started groping him. Before she could stop herself, Holly ran in.

"Leave him alone!" She yelled. The Templars laughed.

"Oh look, a friend has come to play!" Cedrik said.

"Do you intend to stop us?" Kynon asked. "I would love to see that! You know what happens to apprentices who use magic against the Templars?"

"Leave him alone." She said again, feeling her heart rising into her throat, beating so fast and hard she was afraid she was going to pass out. She could face demons because she could kill them. She didn't want to kill humans, especially Templars. They would execute her for sure for such an offense, no matter her reasoning. Cedrik walked over to her and as he was walking past, he stopped at her side. He slid his fingers across her cheek, brushing her hair behind her ear. She stood there, terrified and shaking as she felt the Templar walk behind her. The other apprentice was staring in the opposite direction, tears streaming down his cheeks as Kynon continued to hold him against the wall.

Putting his hands on her shoulders, Cedrik said, "It's amazing you escaped our attention before, but we won't let that happen again, will we, brother? I remember what you were wearing when you first came to the tower..." His chuckle sent chills up her spine. He wrapped his arms around her, one hand snaking down past her belly, the other resting on her chest. "Come on, Kynon. Let's leave these two alone for tonight." Kynon let the apprentice down and stormed out as Cedrik let Holly go, following his Templar brother. Completely stunned, Holly sank to the floor, wrapping her arms around herself tightly and started sobbing. She wasn't sure what had just happened, but she felt dirty and frightened. There was nothing she could do about it, no one she could talk to to stop the monsters. The Templars were in control, the mages their slaves.

"Thank you..." The apprentice said, kneeling down in front of her.

"They need to be stopped." She said, bitterness in her tone.

"Who will stop them? You?" He asked.

"I'll find a way." She said, standing up. "They cannot be allowed to continue this. Even if I have to sacrifice myself to do so, I will stop them." He was shaking his head and smiling a little.

"I hope it doesn't come to that.” He paused, then cautiously put his hand on her shoulder. “My name is Brennan, by the way."

"I'm Holly. I've seen you around before... but, we should get back to our quarters before anyone else catches us out."

 

* * *

 

Holly was shaking in the Fade that night, from rage, fear, and frustration. She was just standing there, doing nothing, not sure she even wanted to do anything. She couldn't erase the feeling of the Templar touching her, no matter how hard she tried. As she tried to decide what to do, she felt a hand on her shoulder, causing her to jerk away and get defensive.

"Are you all right?" Anders asked, worried. "What's wrong?" Holly felt her bottom lip tremble as more tears threatened to leak out and she just shook her head.

"Anders..." She said as the tears broke free again. He quickly embraced her, holding her tightly as she struggled, saying "No, no no no."

"If someone hurt you..." He said. She stopped struggling and just sobbed in his chest.

"Oh Anders, something needs to be done..." She said. "But I don't know how, or what, to do! The Templars... they... there are two of them, they abuse their power over the apprentices... I tried to stop them... I guess I did, at least from hurting Brennan..." She felt him tense up as he squeezed her tighter. "I will stop them. I just don't know how..."

"Shh, it's over for now, just rest." Anders said. "I'm here for you." She closed her eyes and envisioned a large green field full of horses, and smiled when she felt a breeze on her face.

"Thank you." She said, pulling away and wiping her eyes.

"Is this somewhere special to you?" Anders asked, looking at the horses.

"It's just somewhere I like to go, some place calming and relaxing." She said. "It's not really anywhere in particular, just in my imagination."

"I like it." He said, walking up to a horse and petting it. They ended up talking about random nothings all night, keeping her distracted from having to think about the Templars.

 

* * *

 

"Jocelyn..." At the sound of her name, Jocelyn looked up from her book to find Brennan standing there nervously shifting about.

"What's wrong?" She asked, standing up, suddenly worried. He motioned for her to follow him to a private area.

"I know you're good friends with that new girl, Holly." He said. Various distresses flashed through her mind as to what could be the problem. Was it something simple such as he was developing a crush on her? Or had something more serious happened? He continued, saying, "Last night, the Templars... two of them... had me..." His eyes darted around as if he expected them to come for him. "Holly came in and stopped them. They turned their attention to her, letting me go. Afterwards... she said she would find a way to stop them, even if it means sacrificing herself. I'm really worried."

Jocelyn pursed her lips. She didn't know Holly well enough to know how she should proceed. "Thank you for telling me, Brennan. I... I don't really know what to do but I think I should go talk to her. Are you all right? I'm here if you need me." He nodded and took off, as if he was still afraid of getting caught again. Jocelyn stared after him, but decided she would talk to him later. She was worried about Holly after what Brennan had confided in her.

What Holly had said about stopping the Templars... Jocelyn had been lucky in that she'd never been pinned to a wall and groped, but she could only imagine what it would do to someone, especially when there was no recourse. She knew that despite how hard Holly tried to hide it, she hated the tower and hated how the Templars were allowed to get away with so much. In her haste to find Holly, she ran into Cullen. Mumbling an apology and hoping he hadn't been one of the bad Templars, she started to go.

"I b-beg your pardon, miss." He said stammered. She looked up at him, surprised at the courtesy.

"It wasn't your fault, I need to watch where I'm going." She smiled. "I'm always running into people." He smiled timidly back.

"I-I remember you, the crying girl." He said. "Jocelyn."

She blushed. "Ah, I was hoping you'd forgotten that..." She looked up at him and then remembered her urgency to see Holly. "I need to go. Can we... maybe talk later?" She asked, feeling silly. His cheeks flushed.

"Ah, yes, you... you can talk to me any time." He said. She smiled at him and then waved as she took off to find her friend. It took a bit, but she found Holly hiding in her bed, staring at the blanket.

"Holly..." Jocelyn said, sitting down next to the girl. Holly didn't move, but Jocelyn heard her sigh.

"You heard." She said, her voice sounding flat and exhausted.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jocelyn asked. "I can't imagine how that must have felt... Brennan is worried about you, about what you said."

"We need to stop them, Jo." Holly said, bringing her gaze up sharply to meet Jocelyn's eyes.

"But how? I hate their abuses just the same as the next mage, but we're powerless to their rule." Jocelyn's frustration was strong in her tone. "Any mage that has tried has been killed. I don't want to lose you."

Holly stared intently at Jocelyn for a moment, then glanced down. "I don't know... I just know they need to be stopped. I... I should probably get back to my studies." Holly got up, then turned to Jocelyn. "But thank you. You don't know how much it means to me to have a friend like you." She smiled at Jocelyn, and then left. Jocelyn picked at the blanket for a minute, wondering if her friend was going to be all right or if she was going to go suicidal on them in trying to take out the Templars. She hoped Holly didn't take any frustrations out on Cullen. She smiled softly at the memory of the man's nervousness, and surprised herself at the thoughts she was suddenly having about him, and what she wanted to do to him. Blushing, she stood up and hurried off to find her mentor to finish up her own studies.

 

* * *

 

"You seem awfully distracted, Jocelyn." Jowan said as he matched pace with his fellow apprentice. "Did something happen?"

"I can't really talk about it, it didn't happen to me." She said, sighing. "The Templars are getting bolder in their attacks, though, and I fear there's going to be trouble soon. There's nothing we can do about it and that frustrates me so much." She could feel the anger coming from Jowan and felt that

expression wasn't suited to his kind features.

"I wish I could destroy this entire tower sometimes." He said.

"You and many other mages..."

He scoffed. "There are some who actually enjoy being locked up! Just look at that Finn fellow."

Jocelyn laughed. "There are people for every type of situation, it seems!"

 

* * *

 

After a month with no further action by the Templars, Jocelyn started to relax, thinking that Holly wasn't planning anything, until Iestyn woke her up in the middle of the night with bad news.

 


	4. Vengeance in the Fade

Holly stayed with her fellow apprentices as much as she could, keeping her distance from the Templars and hoping they wouldn't try to finish what they'd started. After a month, Holly was starting to wonder if they'd leave her be, although she doubted it. Every time she had to help a senior enchanter

past curfew, she hurried back to her room, terrified the Templars would find her.

Then one night, she was roped into helping a senior enchanter move things around on the third floor until very late at night. As the night wore on, she became more and more anxious. This was the kind of opportunity the two Templars liked to wait for, and she was still sure they hadn't forgotten her. Finally the senior enchanter let Holly go and she rushed towards the stairs, hoping she could make it to the apprentice quarters. As she was nearing the stairs on the second floor, someone grabbed her by the hair from behind.

"Look who we have here, Kynon!" Cedrik said.

"It's that bitch who needs to learn her place." Kynon said, growling. "Let's take her somewhere they won't hear her scream." Cedrik laughed and started dragging her by the hair. She was panicking, not sure if this was a situation she should use her magic or not. She attempted to shoot Cedrik with lightning, but Kynon kicked her and then did something to prevent her from being able to use magic at all.

She felt numb and in shock as they dragged her through hallways and in to a small room with a dusty bed. Tossing her on the bed, one held her as the other ripped her clothing off. She struggled, but she couldn't break free. She was screaming in her head, unable to use magic, unable to defend herself as the Templars took turns getting themselves ready. As they held her down on the bed, she felt one stick a finger into her and laugh.

"She's a bloody virgin!" Kynon said.

"Well she's not bloody yet." Cedrik said, chuckling.

 

* * *

 

She drifted in and out of consciousness, dimly aware that her body was struggling to stay alive. She didn't know how long she laid there before she felt Wynne's healing touch on her bruised and swollen face. She slipped back into darkness.

As she wandered the Fade, she was drawn towards a dream. It was Kynon's dream and she was filled with such rage that she invaded his dream, making herself look like a tiger. She pounced on him, placing one of her paws on his genitals.

Growling, she said, "Give me one good reason I shouldn't rip them off." She flexed her claws and enjoyed the terror in his eyes.

"Please..."

"You showed no mercy to the apprentices you abused." She said. "You have caused enough pain. Tell me why I shouldn't end your life!" He closed his eyes, tears streaming down his face. "You can't think of a reason why you should stay alive?" She swiped at his face, leaving three bloody claw marks across his face. Using her magic, she healed it so it scarred. "You touch another mage again, it will be your last." She got off him and leapt out of the dream. Feeling anger and vengeance pulsing through her veins, she found Cedrik's dream. Angry that he could be sleeping so soundly after what he'd done to her, she pounced on him as well, her claws at his throat.

"You should die for what you've done!" She growled. He looked terrified.

"Wha-what did I do?" He asked.

"You know what you did!" She said, smacking him. "The apprentices? Why should I not end your miserable existence? You're going to go right back to hurting the mages, and I can't let that happen!"

"No!" He cried. "You can't just kill me for that! Th-they were asking for it!" Her anger overtook her and she ripped his face off, feeling his hot blood in her mouth, his skull crunching under her teeth. As she walked away, she wondered if it had any bearing in the real world. She went back into human

form and broke down crying. She wanted to find Anders, but she didn't want him to know what had happened to her, or what she'd done in retribution. She curled up in a ball, sobbing.

She felt like she had lain there for hours when she felt someone else come near.

"Holly? What happened? Are you all right??" She felt a hand on her shoulder and she realized she was as she was in reality; naked and injured. She jerked away and started crying again. "Let me help you!" Anders pleaded. She felt his hand on her again as he started healing her and she let it be.

After a while, Anders said, "I've done what I can here. Please tell me this happened in the Fade and your body is fine..." Holly imagined a loose fitting dress on her, then sat up, still hugging her body.

"Wynne's taking care of me." She said, looking off to the side.

"What happened?" He asked. "It was those Templars, wasn't it." Holly looked up at him sharply. She could feel his anger and hatred radiating from him.

"I will take care of them." She said. "They cannot be allowed to get away with this." Her voice was strangely cold and flat.

"Don't sacrifice yourself." He said. "I..." He stopped, then shook his head. "The knight-commander will have to act or face a rebellion. Templars cannot be allowed to overstep their bounds so far." Holly nodded, not wanting to tell him what she did in the Templar's dreams. She wasn't sure he would condone that, nor did she know if it even affected the men other than being a dream.

"Let's not talk about it..." She said. "Let's just talk about random things again..."

 

* * *

 

 

Jocelyn had been woken up by Iestyn in the middle of the night and he was frightened, rambling about how he'd found Holly covered in blood. Jocelyn started panicking herself, but tried to stay calm for Iestyn.

"Is she alive?" She asked, her voice wavering. "How badly injured is she?"

"I... I don't know... there was so much blood..." He was pale and shaking. "Jocelyn, it was the Templars. I saw them leave the room. Wynne is taking care of her, the Templars will have to face justice." Jocelyn felt her blood run cold.

"She said she would stop them." She said. "I need to go, find out if I can see her yet. Can you tell me where she is?"

 

* * *

 

Jocelyn peeked into the room they were treating Holly in and gasped. Her friend was lying on a bed, partially covered with a blood soaked sheet. What skin Jocelyn could see was covered in bruises and cuts, and her face was unrecognizable with the bruising and swelling. Wynne looked exhausted and pained.

"Wynne, is she going to be all right?" Jocelyn asked, her voice barely audible.

"I don't know." The senior enchanter replied. Her voice sounded as tired as she looked. "If Iestyn hadn't found her when he did, she would have died. I can't even be mad at the boy for being out so late." She looked up at Jocelyn. "You should be in bed, young lady. I will let you know if anything changes."

Jocelyn hugged her quickly and gently. "Thank you. I know you'll take good care of her. I just can't help but wish Anders was here to help."

"There are other healers here that will help."

"Not spirit healers like you and Anders, though." Jocelyn said.

"They are good healers just the same." Wynne sounded irritated.

"I'm sorry, senior enchanter... Thank you for watching out for her." Jocelyn hurried off, her heart beating far too hard as she tried to figure out what had happened to her friend. She hoped Holly hadn't purposefully sought out the Templars, but she couldn't imagine the timid girl doing such a thing, even just to get them punished. As she snuck back to her bunk, she found Jowan waiting for her. She paused, then sat down next to him.

"Did you hear?" She whispered. He shook his head, so she continued. "Holly... was found by Iestyn. He saw the Templars leave the room, went in and found her. She looks horrible, Jowan. So much blood. I don't want to think about what they must have done to her."

"They can't be allowed to get away with this." Jowan said.

"I'm sure they won't be." Jocelyn said, but she didn't feel it.

 

* * *

 

 

Holly had spent most of the day in bed, watched carefully by Wynne. When Holly finally opened her eyes, Wynne was ever grateful.

"How are you feeling?" Wynne asked. Holly had to think about it for a while before responding. She didn't hurt as bad and her face didn't feel as swollen, but she felt horrible nonetheless. What they'd done to her...

"Better than last night." She finally said. "Is... is this proof enough? They can't be allowed to continue..." Holly caught a strange look cross the older mage's face. "What, what happened?"

"I shouldn't tell you, not until you're better." Wynne said.

Sitting up, Holly looked her mentor in the eyes. "I'm fine, tell me what happened."

Sighing, Wynne said, "Cedrik was found this morning, dead. No one knows how, no one saw anything. Kynon refuses to talk. He's been put in a holding cell for now. There was a witness who saw them leave this room, and that witness was the one who saved your life. I hate to think..." Holly sat there in shock, not really registering what her mentor had just said. Holly was trying to wrap her head around the fact that she had killed a man through a dream. No one would believe her if she said she had killed him, nor did she want to admit it. That kind of power scared her, and if it scared her, what would the others think of it? No, it had to stay secret.

 

* * *

 

 

Jocelyn was shocked when she found out that Cedrik was dead and Kynon had fresh scars on his face and wouldn't talk to anyone. It was as if divine retribution had found them, though the talk of blood magic was whispered as well. No one blamed Holly if she had used blood magic, but the whispers were still there. Jocelyn knew what would happen if they discovered Holly had been the one to kill Cedrik. They'd choose the Rite of Tranquility or death. The more she thought about it, though, the more she couldn't believe Holly would use blood magic. Holly was still pretty new to magic and it would take someone much more adept to use blood magic to kill someone like that, but still, the coincidence was there.

"I'm glad to hear the Templar died." Jowan said at lunch. "He got what he deserved. I'm surprised the other one didn't die as well, though. You said there were two of them, right, Iestyn?" The other boy nodded, his shaggy hair hiding his eyes.

"Cedrik and Kynon..." Brennan said. "They were the ones who... they tormented a lot of apprentices." Jocelyn looked at the elf. She could tell he was glad they wouldn't be bothering anyone again, but he still seemed upset.

"Are you all right, Brennan?" She asked.

"Holly said she'd stop them." He said. "She said she would stop them even if it meant sacrificing herself. I'm really worried about her."

"You don't believe she killed Cedrik, do you?" Jocelyn asked. "She'd have to have used blood magic, and I really can't see her being able to. She's barely able to conjure lightning!" Brennan and Iestyn shared a look.

"If she'd made a deal with a demon..." Iestyn said. "Mages do crazy things when they're in such a horrible situation. I wouldn't blame her if that was the case..." Jocelyn glared at them.

"Jocelyn," Jowan said. "I know you don't like to think of Holly doing anything like that, but imagine what the Templars were doing, and what you'd want to do in retaliation."

"They'll make her tranquil." Jocelyn said. "Or execute her." She could feel her eyes burning from the impending tears. "Even if they don't have proof." Jowan growled, but the presence of a Templar shut his mouth and made Brennan shrink down, as if trying to be invisible. Jocelyn noticed it was Cullen and felt like the room had gotten much hotter. The Templar saw the angry expressions of the apprentices and looked very nervous as he walked through the room. Jocelyn felt badly for the poor man, knowing that he was a decent sort and not at all the type to take advantage of an apprentice. He caught her eye and she gave him a small smile, but he didn't return it. He hurried out as if he was expecting to be attacked.

"What was that about?" Iestyn asked Jocelyn, giving her a sly grin. "Don't tell me you like a Templar!"

Jocelyn looked flustered. "I... he's not... he's not like the others." She said, blushing furiously.

Jowan raised an eyebrow. "You know any relationship with a Templar is strictly forbidden!"

"You think I don't know that?" Jocelyn snapped. "Besides, the boy can barely even speak to me. I have no fanciful ideas of the situation." She got up and walked in the opposite direction Cullen had taken.

"Jo, wait up." Iestyn called after her. When he got up to her, she glared at him.

"Look, I'm just really frustrated right now." She hissed. "Holly is lying in a bloodied mess and may become tranquil or executed over it and yes, I have feelings for a Templar. I've never had feelings like this for anyone before, except maybe Anders, but well, we know what happened to Anders. Not to

mention he would never have a serious relationship with anyone anyway. I can't seem to like anyone who I can have a serious relationship with."

"Mages aren't allowed to have serious relationships." Iestyn said sadly.

"You seem pretty serious with that one apprentice..." She said, smirking. She'd caught them more than once making out in a closet.

"Shhhh, keep it down!" He laughed. "I don't need them separating us or anything! I know, but it's still not allowed."

"So are you saying I should break the rules?" She continued to smirk.

"I'm not really saying anything." He smiled, then grew serious. "But please be careful. I'd hate for you to get in trouble with a Templar. I still have a hard time believing you like a Templar!"

"They're not all bad, Iestyn." Jocelyn said. "Flynn, the Templar who brought me to the tower, has always been nice to me. Cullen too. Don't worry, I'll be careful." He gave her a quick hug.

"You've always been there for me, just let me know if you need me for anything." He smiled at her and then went back to Brennan and Jowan.

 

* * *

 

Later that day, Jocelyn found Cullen walking the halls. "Hello, Cullen." She said as she approached. He jumped a little and stared at her as she stopped next to him. "How are you doing? I heard what happened to Cedrik. I don't know how well you knew him, but I can imagine it's shaken you as the whole situation has the mages."

"That apprentice didn't deserve what Cedrik and Kynon did to her." He said. "But I'm not sure killing Cedrik was the right path either."

"Do you believe she killed him?" She asked, a bit nervous. "I know it's a rumor going around, but I can't believe it."

He glanced around. "Someone killed him. If Kynon hadn't been scarred... He won't talk to anyone and the scars... I've seen them. They're made by magic. It's no coincidence that he received those scars the same night Cedrik died."

"But if everyone suspects Holly, what's going to happen to her?" Jocelyn asked, her anxiety welling up inside her again.

"I... I shouldn't be talking to you about this." He said. "It's... It'll be up to the knight-commander and first-enchanter to... to decide."

"I'm sorry, it's all right." She said. "I'm just so worried about her. That she went through all that, and she might be the one facing punishment instead of the ones who did it to her..." She balled up a fist in anger.

He surprised her by putting a hand on her shoulder. "I understand." He said, his voice soft and sweet. "I have faith that they'll decide the way it should be." She smiled sadly at him, wishing she could believe his words.

"I don't have anything for a bit, would it... can I walk with you?" She asked. He looked nervous as he ran an armored hand over his short blond hair.

"I-I think that would be fine." He smiled.

 

* * *

 

 

A week later, Holly wandered back into the Fade, afraid of not just the demons, but of herself as well. She had to decide what to use her powers for, or if she should even use them. If her actions could cause such things in reality, she could find the knight-commander himself and influence him. But what if she told someone what she could do? They would want to use that power for their own gains. There were so many things she could do and she doubted anyone would suspect her. Then she wondered if maybe there was an actual reason for the tower.

She'd heard rumors about a place called Tevinter, heard people say things like "You remember what happened with the Tevinters." She didn't though, she just knew that there was something having to do with magic. So, what if she inadvertently screwed something up that cost people their lives? With the Templars, they had almost killed her and she had reacted in anger, but they had been causing people harm. The other apprentices would be able to breathe easier for what she'd done.

Her thinking so hard was giving her a headache and so she gave up and started looking for Anders. After a while of searching, she found his dream. Staring into it, she wasn't sure what to do. Part of her itched to get deep into it, to see what he was dreaming, but she was afraid she'd screw something up. She finally settled on changing herself into a fluffy brown tabby cat and sneaking in. As she entered the room, she saw Anders on the bed, naked, hovering over a woman who was giggling.

There was something strangely familiar about the woman, but Holly couldn't get a good look at her and she didn't want to jump on the bed. She also wasn't feeling very comfortable invading such a personal dream. The mage had to have some sort of comfort in his solitary confinement. If it'd been a nightmare, she might have intervened, but not a seemingly pleasant dream. Something about the woman was bothering her, though, so she didn't want to leave until she figured it out. She settled with curling up on the floor with a good side view of the bed, but kept her eyes closed while they had their fun.

Holly was startled out of her cat nap by Anders. "My life has been so much better since you came into it, Holly." He said. Her head shot up and she stared intently at the bed as she saw herself sitting up, staring down at Anders. She was suddenly filled with so many confusing feelings. Did he really actually like her or was it just a dream?

"I'm sorry, Anders." Her dream self said. "I can't do this." She watched herself leave, leaving Anders looking heartbroken. She jumped up on the bed, feeling horrible about what her dream self did. She wasn't even sure she could have a physical relationship with the mage, not after... Would she be able to handle being touched, or would she forever be reminded of the Templars? Did _she_ actually like Anders? He absentmindedly started petting her, which felt strange with her as a cat.

"I don't know why I thought she'd like me." He said. She hated seeing him upset, but didn't know what to do. She didn't want him to know she had invaded his dream, and especially didn't want him to know what she'd seen. As he scratched behind her ear, the door burst open and a large group of Templars burst in. Anders jumped up, but there was nowhere he could run, he was trapped.

"You are hereby sentenced to the Rite of Tranquility." One of the Templars said, his voice booming.

"No!" Anders yelled. "You can't do that!" He tried to attack them with magic, but nothing happened and they slowly approached him. Freaking out and forgetting it was a dream, Holly transformed into a tiger and leapt in front of Anders.

"You will not touch the mage!" She roared, ears back. Then she attacked, destroying the Templars in her rage. When she was done, she looked over at Anders and suddenly felt ashamed. It was just a dream, they hadn't really been after him. He was staring at her with awe in his eyes, not horror, and she wasn't sure how to feel. She turned and ran out the door, disappearing from his sight. Hiding, she changed back to herself and sat down, freaking out about what she'd just done.

She decided she should stay out of dreams. Overreacting could cost someone their life! To distract herself, she contemplated what kind of area she wanted to create for Anders next. It was a good distraction from the reality of the tower, and it helped him deal with his solitary confinement better, but she was starting to think there was more to it than that. She did like him, she just didn't think a relationship would be possible for her, being from a different world and all. What if she got taken back? And could she just forget the Templar's touch?

"Holly!" She heard Anders come around the corner. "I haven't seen you in a while. Are you feeling better?" He was fully dressed and seemed to be in a good mood.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I'm... having trouble getting past the whole incident with the Templars." She frowned and traced a line with her finger on the ground.

"Have you talked to anyone about it?" He asked. "Or have you just been bottling it up?"

"What is there to talk about?" She asked, feeling a little angry. "I don't want to revisit it with other people. I don't want them to know what..." She closed her eyes. "And the worst part, I wished them dead, now one of them is and the other won't talk to anyone, and I feel horrible about it. I should be rejoicing."

"You're too good a person for that." He said.

"What would you do if you felt like you killed someone, even if they deserved it?" She asked, looking at him. "No one knows how he died, after all, but I've heard the rumors. I'm only surprised no one has come right out and accused me."

He looked at her strangely. "Wishes don't kill people." He said, but he didn't sound convinced. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I am your friend." She looked at him sadly.

"It just feels so stupid, everything I'm feeling." She said. "Emotions can't be rational, can they. It's just not fair. None of it. I start liking someone only to be unable to get what the Templars did out of my head. But I guess it doesn't matter anyway, because I'm not even from this world, so I shouldn't even think about a relationship in the first place!" She stood up quickly and started walking away.

"Holly." He said. She stopped but didn't face him. "Why do you feel like you can't have a relationship just because of where you're from?"

"What if I get taken back?" She said. "I wouldn't want to lose someone I love, who loves me back. If I never pursue it, then they won't be hurt if I disappear."

"That's incredibly stupid and selfish!" He snapped. "If they already care about you, they'll most certainly be upset at your leaving. What if they'd want to be with you anyway?" She turned her head quickly and looked at him.

"I... don't know." She said. "I don't even know how to ask. And what if I can't handle the physical aspect? That wouldn't be fair, either." He looked concerned.

"So you would deny yourself love for fear of pain?" He asked. "Not your own, but for someone else, without even allowing him to decide for himself?"

"I told you it was stupid." She said, looking at the ground.

"Promise me you'll at least ask the person your affections are for." He put his hands on her arms and she felt her mouth go dry.

"But... what if it ruins the friendship he and I already have?" She asked.

"Sometimes you have to just do it." Anders said.

"Have you... ever been in a relationship?" He shrugged, but Holly could tell he seemed a little agitated.

"Relationships are difficult in the Circle. I suppose most people don't take them seriously, just flings here and there. Everyone kissing everyone." He laughed. "No, I have so far tried to avoid anything serious." He sounded almost like he was lying, to himself or just to her, she wasn't sure.

"I imagine being in solitary confinement makes it a bit difficult." Holly said, smirking. He raised an eyebrow and smiled, but there was a hint of sadness in it.

"You should be happy." He said. "And you should make someone else happy. Let them help you overcome your fears." She frowned. He was sounding like he really did care about her, but with all his talk of how she should tell someone how she feels, he certainly wasn't.

"I'll... think about it." She said.

"Good. Whoever has your attention is certainly a lucky man." He grinned, but Holly couldn't smile back. Instead, she created a desert she had visited a few times. Huge rocks for climbing, only without snakes this time, scrawny little plants, yuccas... She'd only made green areas and cities before this. Anders looked around, his expression a mixture of confusion and awe.

"It's a desert near where I lived." She said. He moved away from her, staring at the rocks towering above them.

"It reminds me of the land after a Blight." He said. "In the Anderfels, nothing grows."

"I don't think we have anything like a Blight, but we have a lot of deserts." She said. "Some of them are quite beautiful, even though they're barren. Let me show you some of the sunsets and sunrises I've seen." She grabbed him around the waist to keep him steady and lifted the ground up high above the other rocks, then changed the sky to show a sunset full of colors with some clouds. When she glanced over at him, he wasn't looking at the sunset, he was staring at her with a soft smile. She blushed and looked down as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"My life has been so much better since you came into it." He said, the exact same thing he had told her dream self. Only she wasn't planning on leaving him.

"You've been a better friend to me than I could have ever asked for." She said. He gently pulled her into an embrace and just held her there. At first she tensed, but she told herself it was just Anders, he wasn't going to hurt her. Then she allowed herself to relax and melted into the hug, wrapping her arms around him. She didn't want it to end, but she knew it had to. While they were hugging, she slowly lowered the ground and changed the scenery to a small grassy patch at night, and surrounded them with fireflies.

"It's strange how comfortable I can be around you." She said. "I completely trust you, something I've not felt with anyone else." She didn't want to tell him outright how she felt, something she figured he was doing as well. They could both not tell the other how they felt then.

"What about the person you like?" Anders asked. She jerked back and stared at him, expecting a smile, but he was serious.

"I... what?" Holly was confused.

"I can't be the only person you trust." He said.

Holly frowned. "I suppose I trust Jocelyn, but there are so many things I haven't told her, nor will I tell her, that you already know..." She pulled away from him and destroyed the scenery. "I think I'm too tired to think straight right now." Anders' expression turned angry and frustrated.

"Right. Just go back to your friends, enjoy your life." He said, bitterness heavy on his words.

"Anders, what's the matter with you?" She asked. "Why are you so angry with me? What did I do?" Was he really just jealous, of himself? Why couldn't he just tell her? He shook his head, his eyes sad, but his mouth twitched into a smile.

"Never mind me. Being cooped up in the cell is just getting to me."

"You tell me to let things out, you tell me that I can tell you anything, but you don't even follow your own advice, do you?" She asked, worried. "You've been putting on a front for me, haven't you? You know you can trust me, right? You can tell me anything." He looked like he was about to cry. "Anders, just tell me one thing first. Do you actually like me?"

"How could I not?" He said. "You're an amazing woman, and the best friend I've ever had."

"Do you really find it impossible for me to ever have feelings for you?" She asked. "Or is there another reason you never told me?"

"You deserve to be happy." He said. "I'm fated to a criminal life. I'll never stay in the tower, and one of these days they'll probably brand me a maleficar and execute me."

"Don't you think I should have a choice?" She said. "What if I told you that I don't care what you are? What if I told you that I love you the way you are, and never want you to change?"

"I would think you're crazy." He said. She wrapped her arms around him again and held him tight.

"I don't want to lose you." She said. "I would do anything to protect you."

"It kills me I was unable to protect you." He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed.

"It won't be long until you're let out..." She said.

"Only to be put right back." He said jokingly.

"You might get lucky, you might be able to stay escaped for a long time next time." She said.

"Hah, we'll see about that."

 


	5. Romance

Jocelyn was on the second floor of the tower, absentmindedly walking around, when she found Holly. Her friend hadn't talked to anyone since the incident, at least not more than a few words, and she was worried. The girl had been withdrawn to begin with, but at least she talked.

"Holly, how are you feeling?" Jocelyn asked. She saw that despite Wynne's best attempts, there were still pale white and pink scars on the girl's face and arms, but most of all were the scars on her mind. Jocelyn had no idea how to relate and had no idea how to heal her friend.

"Hi, Jo." Holly said, trying to smile. "I guess I'm doing all right. As well as can be expected."

"I don't suppose there's anything I can do to help?"

"You're kind to ask, but like I said before, it'll just take time." Holly sat down at a nearby table. "I suppose you've heard the rumors."

"Which rumors?" Jocelyn asked, sitting down as well. She could only assume Holly meant the blood magic rumors.

"I've heard whispers that stop when I walk past." Holly said. "But I've caught enough to know people think I killed the Templar and scarred the other."

Jocelyn stared at the floor. "People were saying it's more than a coincidence, but I don't think they'll do anything without proof."

"How can they have proof of something like that?" Holly sounded nervous. "I was unconscious and on the verge of death when he died. I don't even remember much until that morning, when Wynne told me what had happened."

"I don't know if they can get proof." Jocelyn said. "But I'm glad the Templars faced justice. Although, that's another question on everyone's minds. Why not Kynon? Why did he get scarred instead of dead?" Holly looked thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged.

"I have to wonder if perhaps he passed some sort of divine test." Holly said. "Where I'm from, our God sees the hearts of men and judges them on that. Perhaps your Maker judged them and saw some virtue in him." She scowled. "I saw no virtue in him when... that night..." She started tearing up and Jocelyn saw her fists clenched.

"I wish I could tell you why he was spared..." She said. "He's in the dungeon right now, though. He'll probably lose his shield and get sent away, so you won't have to worry about him ever again."

"I hope he never touches another person ever again." Holly grumbled. Jocelyn saw Holly tense, then look at her. "I... I've heard you mention Anders before. You knew him well?"

Taken aback, Jocelyn stammered. "I... um, yes. I remember when he came to the tower. It was shortly after I arrived. I remember they had brought you both in at the same time, you said he had helped you."

"I was just... is it ok for mages to meet up in the Fade?" Holly asked quietly. Jocelyn was shocked. She hadn't even thought on it. She didn't have that much control over the Fade, she never practiced, and part of it had to do with the demon. The sudden realization that she could have tried finding Anders hit her and her stomach sunk.

"I don't see why it would be a problem." She finally said. "Were you thinking of finding Anders?"

"Why don't more mages meet in the Fade?" Holly asked, ignoring the question. "I'd think it'd be more popular than speaking here."

"Not every mage is that good at walking the Fade." Jocelyn said. "Some aren't comfortable with encountering demons that often. The more you're in the Fade, the more you attract demons, after all. Have you already talked to Anders?"

Holly paused, then sighed. "Yes... No one else has talked to him. I don't understand why, I mean it's not like most mages here even agree with the solitary confinement punishment."

"Holly..." Jocelyn put a hand up to her forehead, trying to ward off the impending headache. "I don't know how much you know about Anders, but he's not exactly popular. I myself hated him up until maybe a year ago, mostly because he got outdoor exercises banned and was able to escape while I remained trapped. But he never made real friends, except Karl but they sent him away. He's always been the confident rebel, flying in the face of the rules." Holly nodded, staring at the floor.

"I can understand that." She said. "He's never said as much, but I guessed."

"If you don't mind my asking, how long have you been seeing him?"

"Since maybe the second or third week I was here?" Holly said, looking up. "The first time I tried to find him, I found a demon instead that had taken on his image. Killing it was the most difficult thing I've ever done."

"How is he doing?" Jocelyn asked quietly. "I had started to get to know him before... before he escaped. I know he put on a front for everyone and I get the feeling he would have pulled away had I gotten too close. But now that he's in solitary confinement... Have you gotten close?" Holly grinned, but there was still a hint of sadness in it.

"You could say that." She laughed. "I suppose that's what happens when one is the only source of social interaction. I just... I just don't know how it'll work outside the Fade. I can't even handle the physical in the Fade, what'll happen when he gets out?"

"I wish I could tell you..." Jocelyn frowned. She was glad Anders had a close friend and she hoped he was helping Holly. She still missed the man and made up her mind to try to find him that night.

"So... Iestyn mentioned the other day that you saved his life once..." Holly switched the subject and Jocelyn rolled her eyes before recounting the story.

 

* * *

 

Jocelyn did not like the Fade. It made her twitchy and she was paranoid about the Pride demon that had confronted her before. She had no idea how to find someone, either, and her spells didn't work the same way, but she was determined. Her teachers were always talking about how proud they were of her abilities, but what kind of mage would she be if she couldn't even do something as simple as meeting up with another mage? Then she stopped.

What if he wasn't in the Fade? Or what if Holly was with him...? She kept going, figuring she'd deal with that if and when it happened. She kept looking at the black city, forever looming in the distance, unreachable, and wondered what it had looked like before the Tevinter magisters corrupted it. She stopped again as she heard voices nearby. Going quietly, she looked around a pillar and saw Holly and Anders just sitting and talking. Holly actually looked happy, as did Anders, and it made Jocelyn smile to see her friends at peace. She didn't want to disturb them, so she crept away. As she started trying to remember how to leave the Fade, she felt a familiar presence behind her that chilled her to the bone. She closed her eyes, wishing it hadn't found her.

"Good evening, my little mageling." The demon laughed. "So, we meet again. Have you thought about my offer?"

She whirled around and glared at the demon. "I will not accept anything you have to offer, demon!" Her words were full of bravado she didn't feel.

If it could smirk, she figured that's what it was doing. "I can wait, youngling." It said. "Many other mages have fallen before me. Perhaps we shall meet again at a later date." It laughed again and vanished. Jocelyn's heart was beating far too hard and she was too preoccupied to notice Anders and Holly walk up.

"Jo!" Holly said, hurrying to her side. "Are you all right? The demon didn't try anything, did it?"

Jocelyn shook her head. "It said it could wait..."

"That was the demon that you saw a couple years ago, wasn't it?" Anders asked quietly.

Jocelyn nodded. "I don't venture into the Fade if I can help it. I'm just not comfortable here! But, Holly brought up a good point today that I stupidly hadn't thought about. I can't believe I didn't realize I could see you here, Anders!"

 

* * *

 

A few weeks later, Holly was reading alone in the library. The apprentices seemed a bit more relaxed with Kynon and Cedrik gone, but she had started to withdraw from them. She couldn't stop thinking about the power she had, and kept wondering if she shouldn't use it to help the other apprentices overcome their nightmares. She had defended Anders without any repercussions. What if she did the same for others? Could it give them a little more confidence? As she sat there, zoning out, two Templars started talking near her. At first, she didn't pay attention, until she heard the name Kynon.

"Remember Kynon? He started talking last night!" One Templar said. The other one gave his friend a questioning look. "He claims that a huge tiger attacked him in a dream. He claimed it was the size of a bear, and it threatened to kill him for what he'd done!"

"Is that how he got scarred?" The other Templar asked. The first one shrugged.

"The stranger thing is, I was telling Heath down in solitary confinement, and the mage in there overheard us and mentioned he was saved from Templars in a dream by a tiger as well."

"Wait. Are you saying there's a spirit in the Fade protecting mages?" The Templar was incredulous. "Are you saying that's what killed Cedrik?"

"I'm just saying it's something to consider." The first Templar said. Holly felt a chill go up her spine. She never thought Anders would tell anyone, and certainly never thought they'd connect the two. If she was going to help people in their dreams, she had to be careful. If they ever found her out... What

would happen if she told Anders? Would he still love her? She wanted to tell him so badly. She needed to talk to someone and Anders was the only one she fully trusted.

That night, she entered the Fade to search for Anders again, determined to tell him what she could do and what her dilemma was. As she prowled around the Fade, she came across a nightmare and the terror from the mage was calling to her. She became a small cat and snuck into the nightmare. There was a mage, maybe in her thirties, cowering in the corner that Holly recognized as the dreamer. A group of Templars were corralling mages, and one with a war hammer was slowly approaching the dreamer. Holly became the tiger and crushed the Templar, then attacked the other Templars, freeing the other mages. As Holly crushed the last Templar, she noticed the dreamer staring at her.

"I... I didn't believe them when they said..." Holly growled, then took off. She didn't want to stick around longer than necessary. When she was safely hidden, she became herself again and continued to look for Anders. She wondered what she would do if he was dreaming again. Would he be upset with her if she invaded his dream? She continued to look for him while she debated on what she would do. She'd already invaded one dream... What was her tiger doing for these mages? What would they see her as? She was sure there would be rumors now especially. Would they expect her to save them from their evil Templar dreams? Would they expect her to save them from Templars in reality? She wasn't ready to be a superhero, nor was she ready to kill anyone, no matter how deserving. She

didn't even want to be noticed, she was just having a hard time not helping out.

She finally found Anders, and he was dreaming again. She paced outside the dream, waiting for him to 'wake up' and tried to decide how to tell him. She was getting anxious waiting, and wondered what he was dreaming about. She could feel agitation, but not much else. As she continued to pace, wondering if he was going to wake up, she felt a sudden burst of terror from the dream. Not wasting time, she became the tiger and dove in. She was in the tower, near the front door, and she saw Anders being dragged through the hallway by a few Templars.

They hadn't noticed her so she quietly padded behind them, wondering what they were planning on doing with her mage. The knight-commander met them and mentioned the Rite of Tranquility again. The Templars dumped Anders on the ground and one stepped on his back, keeping him from going anywhere. Holly roared, startling the Templars. They attacked her, but in her rage, she easily took them out. She looked up from the carnage as saw that Anders wasn't even looking at her, but looking at a large demon coming towards them. Holly barely noticed that the dream had shattered and they were just standing in the raw Fade.

"I will not let you touch him." Holly said, growling. The demon laughed, showing its teeth. It was covered in large spikes and was a bit of a purplish color. Holly remembered Wynne talking about Pride demons...

"It is not him that I seek, but you." It said. Holly was surprised, but didn't let her defenses down. "You have so much potential, child, and I can help you unlock your true potential."

"I eat demons for breakfast. I will accept nothing you have to offer!" Holly the tiger roared.

"Even if it means losing everything you hold dear?" The demon said, chuckling. "Even if it means all mages being destroyed by the Templars? You can save them, with my help." Holly faltered. It had to be lying to her. It didn't know the future, it couldn't tell what was going to happen...

"What do you mean?" Holly asked. "How would you know what's going to happen?"

"I can feel the strife in the mortals who come to this realm, both Templar and mage." It said. "I have touched the mind of one who seeks destruction, but his power is nothing compared to yours."

"You can't possibly consider this!" Anders yelled. Holly knew he was right, she could never accept a demon's offer, but she needed to know who the mage was.

"Silence, mortal!" The demon backhanded Anders, knocking him to the side. Holly became blinded by rage and made herself bigger as she charged the demon, ripping it to shreds while it tried to attack back. She fought it, relentless, but she was badly injured when the battle was over. She became herself again and tried to heal what she could as she hobbled over to Anders. He was dazed, but didn't seem too badly injured. As she helped him up, he looked at her.

"You're injured!" He said, surprised.

"I killed the demon." She said. "I... actually came to tell you something important, but I guess you kind of know now." He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her. Startled, she jerked away.

"I'm sorry, I just..." He looked troubled.

"It's all right, Anders." She said. "You just surprised me."

"So you're the tiger." He said. "I suppose I can't be surprised by that, can I?" He brushed her hair behind her ear as he stared into her eyes.

"I feel horrible for invading your dreams twice now..." She said. "I waited, I didn't want to, but then I felt your terror and I had to save you."

"So you really did kill that Templar." She looked at him and started crying.

"I'm so afraid of anyone finding out what I can do." She said as he hugged her. "I didn't realize what I do here carries over to the physical world. The Templars were the first dreams I ever went into... I don't like going into dreams but the fear draws me. And now there's a mage in the tower who seeks destruction."

"There are probably at least twenty mages in the tower who seek destruction, love." He said. "The Templars push, and push, and there will come a time when the mages cannot be pushed any further. It's not something you can stop."

She sighed, resting her head on his chest. "I can't believe finding out what I can do is not bothering you."

"I'm just good at hiding it." He said, chuckling. "I've gotten to the point where I've just accepted that you will always freak me out in some way. The fact that you can enter my dreams at will... well, I'm trying not to think about what you must have seen the last time..."

"I saw you get hurt, by some dream form of me." She said. "And there was little I could do about it."

"You tried to comfort me." He said. "And then you protected me from the Templars. Thank you for that."

"I'll still try not to invade your dreams." She said.

"So what are you planning on doing about your powers?"

"I don't know... I don't want to use them at all, and I don't want anyone else to know about them, because it's too dangerous." She said. "Some people might want me to use them for their own gain, others might want to kill me for it. The fact that I killed a Templar is damning enough, you don't think they'd allow me to live after that, do you?" Anders sighed.

"No, you're right. I see your point." He said, giving her a squeeze. "But giving the mages some bit of hope that there's a spirit out there who is trying to protect them... that doesn't seem so bad."

"We'll see."

 

* * *

 

The next day, Holly was eating breakfast with Jocelyn and Jowan when Brennan came up to them. The young apprentice looked excited as he sat down with his plate.

"Have you guys heard?" He asked. Holly and Jocelyn shared a look. "The tiger was spotted again."

"The tiger?" Holly asked.

"You know, the one that killed that Templar? The protector of mages?" Brennan was very excited. "Shera, one of the mages, saw it in her dream last night, said it killed all the Templars!"

Holly frowned. "So what does this mean?"

"Considering the evidence piling up, it means there's a spirit in the Fade that is protecting mages in some way." Jowan said, smiling. "I've been hearing the Templars talking about it. They're nervous, wondering who will be next."

"It's been two months or so since Cedrik died though." Holly said. "No other Templars have been attacked, other than the ones people dream up, so why would they be afraid?"

"I think it's the possibility that scares them." Jocelyn said. "What if one of them accidentally oversteps his bounds? What if one of them loses his temper? Or what if one of the mages has a grudge?"

"I would hope the spirit could tell the bad Templars from the good." Holly said. "Kynon somehow managed to survive." She grumbled, but she was secretly thankful she hadn't killed him too.

Jowan shrugged. "It's good for them to get a dose of their own medicine."

"You know I agree with you, Jowan, but please keep it down." Jocelyn said quietly. Brennan was starting to look nervous.

"The spirit can't protect us out here. The Templars can still execute us." Brennan said. "I am not ready to die, or be tortured, or anything like that."

"I want to meet this spirit for myself." Jowan said.

"To what end?" Holly asked. "You want to have a nightmare about Templars just so you can meet it?" He just shrugged.

"I know I want to meet it." Brennan said. "But most of my nightmares are about demons." He bit off a piece of bread and chewed it absentmindedly.

Jocelyn took a drink, then said, "I don't know if I want to meet it, personally. I would be afraid to mislead it into actually injuring a Templar."

"Have the Templars been giving you trouble, Jo?" Holly asked. Her friend shook her head, smiling.

"No..." Jocelyn said. Holly could tell there was something going on, but she wasn't sure what. Was her friend infatuated with one of them? She'd have to get her alone and ask.

 

* * *

 

A few weeks later, Holly was in the Fade alone, waiting for Anders again, when a dream started calling to her. The fear was so strong, she was almost afraid to see what it was. She transformed into the tiger and entered the dream. They were in the tower and she spotted the dreamer hiding in a dark corner. Abominations were heading towards him and he was sobbing quietly in his Templar armor. Holly paused, wondering what it would do if she were to save a Templar from a dream.

She had been helping the mages more frequently, but this was the first Templar dream she'd ever seen. She couldn't just sit by, so she charged in and destroyed the abominations. After the last one was demolished, she softly padded over to the Templar. He was one of the new ones, Cullen. She'd started noticing him eyeing Jocelyn, but he'd never made a move towards her friend so she didn't think he was bad. Yet.

As she approached him, he put his hands up defensively. "Please don't hurt me." He cried.

"Have you done something wrong?" She asked, a growl in her tone. He looked up at her and she could feel his timidness.

"The mages... they talk about you." He said. "You kill Templars, never help them. You only help the mages."

"I'm sorry." She said, changing into a smaller tabby. "Is this better? I do not wish to frighten you. Unfortunately the needs of the mages are great here, so I have been called to them more often than any others. Your fear was great, I couldn't stand by and do nothing."

"Thank you." He said. "I... I've never been helped by a spirit before, much less seen one."

"Spirits tend to avoid mortals. Few feel any desire to help them." Holly said. "Rest easy, Templar. The only Templar I have killed was an accident. He had to be stopped, however I regret that I took his life. That was not my wish." She touched a paw to his forehead and he disappeared as he woke up.

 

* * *

 

A couple days later, Holly was browsing the books in the library, looking for a book on herbs for a senior enchanter. The library was well kept, but there were so many books, even when she knew where to look, it took a long time to find the right book. She had gotten past the first few shelves when Jocelyn came up to her.

Speaking quietly, she said, "So I heard a Templar saw the tiger!" Holly glanced at her friend.

"A Templar? I thought the tiger only visited mages." Holly said. It was easy to disconnect herself from the tiger, but it was still weird to talk about herself.

"The Templar claims that the spirit is called to dreams with fear and that it doesn't matter if it's a Templar or a mage." Jocelyn said. "The mages are upset, saying that the Templar is making it up. I'm not sure what to think. I'd like to think that the spirit helps everyone."

"Surely there are some who don't believe the spirit exists?" Holly said.

"Oh of course, the majority of mages I've talked to don't really care." She laughed. "But you know, there are always those vocal few."

"Do you believe the Templar?"

Jocelyn shrugged. "I don't see why not. I've never really heard of spirits taking sides like that before, so to have a spirit that helps both seems more plausible."

"It reminds me of certain stories from where I grew up." She said. "Where someone did something great and then someone else added to the original deed, and it kept going until the original deed was forgotten and the person had become like a god. So many people would say they saw the person do this, or that, when they just wanted in on the fun. I get the feeling if the spirit is real, then it probably wouldn't like all this hero worship and fighting for helping people."

"Yeah well, what can you do?" Jocelyn smiled. "Not much can be done about it now anyway, the ball is rolling."

 

* * *

 

As the months rolled by, Holly tried to avoid going near dreams. She didn't like hearing anyone talk about the tiger, especially since they'd started making up stories, going into great detail on how the tiger liberated all the mages from the Templar rule. She was starting to realize why the Circle existed.

She still didn't like how strict it was, but she realized that many more people would die without it, both mage and non-mage. The fear that they had over magic was one of the biggest problems she saw. People would kill mage children out of fear, and mages had become abominations out of desperation. If the Circle continued to push the mages, it would see a lot more death.

The closer they got to Anders' release date, the more agitated the mage became. He was maybe a month away from a year when the cat that kept him company, Mr. Wiggums, got possessed by a rage demon and took out three Templars. Anders said that if it weren't for Holly, he'd have gone insane himself. She did what she could to keep him occupied, showing him various things she remembered from her world, and especially all the weird animals.

The day before he got out, Holly was absolutely nervous. She had separated the Fade from reality so she wasn't sure what he'd be like in person. Physical contact was also something that was different that she was anxious about. She had her close friends, but they never tried anything more than a quick hug with her. As Holly walked the hallway late one night, unable to sleep, she heard voices coming from the chantry. Fearing another Templar attacking an apprentice, she slowly peeked in. There was indeed a Templar and an apprentice. The Templar was lying on top of the apprentice, but Holly couldn't see her face. Holly couldn't tell if the apprentice was a willing participant or not, and she was having a hard time stopping herself from rushing in and stopping the affair.

She stared at the couple and slowly recognized the Templar as the young bashful Cullen. She never would have expected him to be the type to have chantry sex, but she figured if he had the right woman to seduce him... When they finished, it was Jocelyn's voice she heard and her friend's behavior as of late suddenly made sense. Having an affair with a Templar was highly frowned upon and she couldn't imagine what the punishment would be if they were found out. As she heard them getting dressed, she saw the Templar Henri coming down the hall. He had always been kind to her, but she knew where his loyalties lay and she couldn't let him find out about her friend.

"Ser Henri!" She called, loud enough to alert Jocelyn and Cullen. "How is your night going?"

He looked at her, confused. "What are you doing out of your room so late, Holly?"

"I couldn't sleep." She said. "So I thought I'd come to the chantry to pray."

"I suppose I will let you be, this time." He said, frowning. "But you know you shouldn't be out this late."

"Thank you." She bowed a little as he turned and walked past the chantry. When she walked in, she crossed her arms and glared at her friend. Jocelyn's hair was still mussed up and Cullen was bright red and refusing to meet her gaze.

"Hello, Holly." Jocelyn said, looking ashamed.

"You could have told me, you know." She said, smirking. "You're lucky I came when I did or it would have been someone else to find you. I don't know what that would have meant for you."

"Ser Henri is a good Templar." Cullen said. "He would have told the knight-commander, and I would probably have gotten moved to a different location. This was... this was a mistake."

"I um... this is a first..." Jocelyn said, blushing herself. "We never really talked about it. It just... happened. Though I wouldn't call it a mistake." She nudged the Templar who gave her a timid smile.

"I hate to be a wet blanket, but we should probably get back to our room before someone else comes along." Holly said. Jocelyn reached up and kissed Cullen, then walked towards the door. Holly stared at the Templar, not sure how she felt about him. He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze until she turned and followed Jocelyn out.

When they were almost to the apprentice quarters, Holly stopped Jocelyn. "Maybe you could help me." She said, nervous. "I've told you about Anders, right?"

"Of course!" Jocelyn smiled.

"He's supposed to get out of solitary confinement tomorrow." Holly said. "I'm scared. I... I love him, but I'm afraid of a physical relationship."

"You still have nightmares about those Templars?" Jocelyn asked, concerned. "You never really talked about the incident. I'm sure Anders will understand."

"He's used to having physical relationships though." Holly frowned. "My first time was with the Templars."

"It's something that'll just have to happen." Jocelyn said, rubbing her friend's back. "Let things happen naturally, don't try to force it. If you aren't ready, then just give it a little time. He's waited this long, I'm sure he can wait a little longer." Holly nodded, knowing Jocelyn was right.

 

* * *

 

Holly found Anders quickly in the Fade that night, but didn't make herself known at first. She'd talked to him before about her problems and he was always so understanding, saying that she was too hard on herself, but she was still afraid. Sighing, she approached him.

"You are still getting out tomorrow, right?" She asked.

He smiled wide. "And I cannot wait for that moment. This has been a year of torture, let me tell you."

"I'm so nervous!" She said. "I can only imagine how you must feel." He grasped her in a hug and squeezed her tightly.

"I can't wait to do this for real." He said, kissing the top of her head. "No more of this Fade business, no more worrying about demons, and definitely no more worrying about you doing insane things to freak me out. Right?"

"I can't guarantee that!" She said, laughing. "Although you're the only one who knows what I can do. I haven't even told Jocelyn, although she may have guessed by now. You'll get to really hear all the stories of the tiger, too." She sighed.

"People are still talking about you?"

"Of course, but not too many. I've really cut back on the dreams I invade." She smiled at him. "They make up their own stories, though, so even if I vanished, I'd live on. At least they aren't trying to fight about it with the Templars anymore. That scared me!"

"You had to go into a Templar's dream!" He said. "You knew there would be consequences."

"Hey, I'm not opposed to Templars... completely." She sighed. "Earlier tonight I... saw my friend with a Templar." Anders became concerned.

"Was he hurting her?" He asked.

She shook her head and laughed. "Even if he was, she was enjoying it. I can't believe I saw that, and then I even distracted a Templar walking by so they wouldn't get caught!"

"You're a good friend." He said.

"I hate that not everyone can love who they want." She said. "I hate that even a relationship between us is not allowed. They force us into doing things we wouldn't normally do, and I can feel the tension building. Something is going to break."

"Let's hope I can break us both out before then." He said.


	6. Tranquility

When Holly woke up, she had to remind herself to breathe. She followed Jocelyn to breakfast, but didn't really pay attention to her friends talking. She kept looking for Anders in the crowd of people, but there was nothing yet. After breakfast, she had to continue studies with Wynne in a secluded room, and the senior enchanter was annoyed with her lack of concentration.

"Is there something troubling you, Holly?" Wynne asked after having to repeat herself three times. Holly sighed and shook her head.

"I've been here for a year now." She said. "The man who I met outside the tower, Anders, is getting out of solitary confinement today and for some reason I'm just really nervous." Wynne eyed her suspiciously and Holly suddenly started panicking. No one was supposed to know she'd been seeing him in the Fade. She didn't want anyone to know what she'd been up to and the less things connecting her to the Fade the better.

"It seems strange to me that you would be nervous about meeting a man you barely know." She said.

Holly stared at the floor. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since I watched him get taken away. The idea of solitary confinement, for a year no less, just for trying to leave the tower..."

"There are reasons for why we do what we do." Wynne said. "I'm sorry it came to it, but it was his sixth escape."

"He won't learn, especially not that way!" Holly said. "He'll probably want to escape even more now! I know I would."

"Do you wish to escape?" Wynne asked and Holly's mouth went dry. She couldn't think of a response that wouldn't get her in trouble. "You've never shown displeasure in the tower before, why now?"

"I... I'm terrified of what would happen to me if I was anything other than a good little mageling." Holly said, closing her eyes. "I just wanted to go home, I just want to be free to live my life." She started crying, even though she tried to stop it. "I never even wanted to be a mage, but that got forced on me too!"

Wynne was silent for a while and Holly was afraid of what the mage would say. "You've never trusted me, have you?" Holly shook her head.

"I'm too afraid of getting in trouble." Holly whispered. Wynne put her hands on the apprentice's shoulders.

"I should have realized sooner." Wynne said. "I'm sorry, Holly. I haven't been the best mentor, have I?"

"You've taught me so much."

"But you should have been able to trust me." The older mage sighed.

"I don't even trust everything to my best friend." Holly said.

"Have you been talking to Anders in the Fade?" The question caught Holly off guard and she jerked her head up in surprise. "I would guess by your reaction that you have. It's not a crime, you know."

"I... didn't actually know." Holly said. "There aren't very many mages in the Fade. I thought that since relationships are frowned upon, that talking to other mages in the Fade would be considered conspiracy or something."

"We're not completely barbaric!" Wynne said, looking angry. "When it comes to magic, we frown on blood magic. Blood magic allows the user to control other people, and the proficient ones can walk the Fade and kill people in their dreams."

Holly frowned. "Like what they're saying happened with Cedrik. Some say it was a tiger, others were whispering blood magic." She never used blood magic, yet she could do such things and it terrified her even more. They would accuse her of blood magic if they ever found out.

"Yes, I've been hearing the stories of the tiger myself." Wynne said. "But I'm not sure what to believe. I think that Kynon may have made it up in his fear, and then the other stories just grew from that."

"So you don't think there's a spirit out there protecting mages from Templars in their dreams?" Holly asked, attempting a smile.

"No. Spirits don't act like that and neither do demons."

"I heard he has scars from it, though." Holly said, confused.

"I... admit I don't know how to explain that." Wynne shook her head. "Either way, it's gotten out of hand and I'm surprised it didn't escalate very much. For a while, we were afraid we'd have a rebellion on our hands."

"If mages get pushed too far, they will rebel." Holly said. "I've seen this happen before. Oppression in the name of protection, the people were pushed into doing horrific acts that ended in war, with many deaths. The leaders just tightened the collar on the people until there was nothing left for them to do but to fight back."

"And do you see that happening here?" Wynne asked. Holly felt a dangerous undertone in the older mage's voice and she wasn't sure she should answer.

"Well... sort of." She shrugged. "I know the Circle exists for a reason, but I feel like the leash is tightening. There are whispers of rebellion even now. However, I think it could get a lot worse before anything actually happens." Or it would happen a lot sooner like she thought. Surely Wynne could feel the tension building.

"I think we should end our lesson for the day. Go, find Anders and see if he survived his year of torment." Wynne smiled, but she seemed sad and Holly felt like she had done something wrong. She hurried from the room and went to the library. Anders had said he would meet her there and she hoped he was out. While she walked, she went over the conversation with Wynne in her head and started wondering if the mage suspected she had anything to do with Kynon and Cedrik. She felt paranoid, even though she knew there was no evidence to tie her to anything. Would they need evidence? Or would they accuse her of conspiring with a demon, or accuse her of blood magic?

When she got to the library, she felt like she was going to pass out from the anxiety. Looking around, she couldn't find Anders, so she picked out a book and sat down. She couldn't pay attention to reading, but at least it made it look like she was doing something. As she opened the book, her eyes fell onto the word demon and she quickly looked at the title. _Demons and abominations_ she read. Great. She put the book back and looked for something less demonic, settling for a book on griffins.

As she sat down again, she saw Cullen walk in. He looked nervous and like he was looking for someone, making her wonder what was going on. Shortly after, Anders walked in. He looked like he did in the Fade, but freshly bathed with clean robes. He made his way over to her table and sat down in front of her, with a cocky grin. She closed her book and smiled awkwardly at him.

"Fancy meeting you here!" He said. "How are you liking the tower? Bet you're sad you didn't take my advice when you had the chance, eh?" He winked and she laughed.

"Yes, yes I am." She said. "But it could be a lot worse. At least I've made some friends. You should see Jocelyn, although you probably already have."

He shrugged. "Not yet. Lead the way!" She shelved the book and led Anders towards the apprentice quarters, hoping Jocelyn would be there, but he quickly pulled her into a small dark side room. Holly started panicking as fear gripped her and she was sure Anders could feel her shaking. He summoned a wisp to light up the room a little and smiled softly at her.

"You know me, I won't hurt you." He said. "I just wanted somewhere we could really talk for a moment." She blinked back tears and nodded.

"You scared the life out of me, you jerk!" She said, calming herself down. He hugged her and she was surprised how different it felt from the Fade. She could feel his warmth, his heart beating, smell the soap he'd used that morning. She breathed deep and sighed. "It's great to see you again."

"It's great to be out of that blasted cell!" He said. He stared into her eyes and then kissed her deeply and she felt herself melt into it, forgetting everything else. He put one hand on her back, the other slowly slid down her back and he grabbed her butt, pushing her against him as he put one leg between hers. She panicked and pushed away from him, breathing hard.

"Too fast?" He asked, looking concerned.

"I... yes, and no." She said, confused. "Maker, so many feelings!" She laughed. She wasn't sure how she felt, but it was certainly nothing like what the Templars did and she did want more, she was just afraid. He raised an eyebrow questioningly and she grabbed his head and kissed him. He went slow and gentle as he caressed her body, moving his lips from her mouth to her neck and down to her collarbone. She stared at him with a dreamy look in her eyes as he stared back and began to massage her chest.

"We should probably continue this somewhere more private." He said, smiling.

She smirked. "Like the chantry at night?"

"I know some places." He said. "Remember, I've done this before."

 

* * *

 

Holly was nervous as she walked along the hallways towards the mages' quarters. Anders had told her to meet him in his room and they would head to his favorite trysting place, something she couldn't believe she was going to do. She had told Jocelyn what she was going to be doing so her friend wouldn't worry when she wasn't back in time for curfew and then she had headed for Anders' room. They didn't have the most private rooms so she could see why they'd need to go somewhere else. She opened the door and saw that Anders was lying on his bed, reading.

"Anders?" She called to him quietly. He looked up and smiled, putting the book down. He slipped out of the room and led her down a series of corridors to a dark hallway covered in cobwebs. He used a little magic on the door at the end and opened it for her, ushering her in. The room was certainly nothing special, but there was a pile of blankets on the floor surrounded with pillows and the light from the wisp he'd summoned made it a little more romantic. He came up behind her and started massaging her shoulders. He slowly worked his way down her back and gently massaged her hips, working his way towards the front. He quickly crouched down and put his hands on her legs, sliding up and taking her robe off in a quick motion. She started feeling very self conscious standing

there in her undergarments and stockings, so she put her arms across her chest as Anders slipped his robe off. She had seen him naked before, in his dream, but it was different in reality, and it scared her.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" He asked as he started rubbing her shoulders again. She nodded, even though she was having second thoughts. She knew he would wait for her, but he'd waited a year already and she wanted to give him something for it. She kissed him and he chuckled. He moved her over to the bed and laid her down, then slipped her bra and underwear off. Placing his hands on her, he started massaging her inner thighs, making her squirm. She wasn't sure how she felt about it and had to keep reminding herself to stop thinking, to just let things happen. When he spread her legs, she started panicking until he kissed her, going up her inner thigh. Then she felt his tongue on her clitoris and she gasped and pushed his head away. He raised an eyebrow and moved so he was lying on her, his nose touching hers.

"Want me to go slower?" He asked. She shook her head and he chuckled. Lying flat on her, he started kissing her neck, moving down to her chest and kissing her nipples while massaging her. He moved a hand down between her legs, gently massaging her. She felt a tingle as he played with electricity on her and the way he moved his hand had her moaning. She felt the tension build up in her and then she felt like she exploded in an orgasm. He smiled and stopped, spreading her legs with his knees and placing his pelvis against hers. He kissed her lips gently at first, then with more urgency as she wrapped her legs around his waist. When he penetrated her, she felt panicked and he stopped and looked at her.

"Are you all right, love?" He asked.

She tried to smile but failed. "It's more difficult that I thought it would be. But I don't want to stop." She pulled his head back down and kissed him. He started moving his hips in a rhythm and she just closed her eyes and focused on kissing him. When he was done, he laid down next to her, his arm

draped over her chest.

"Was that as bad as you expected?" He asked.

She laughed. "No. It was... actually pleasant." She looked in his eyes and smiled. "I might actually want to do it again one of these days." Anders laughed and then kissed her again.

 

* * *

 

A few nights later, Jocelyn was taken in for her Harrowing and Holly spent most of the night anxiously waiting for her to come back. Jocelyn had warned her that she might not make it back, but she didn't know much about the Harrowing so they couldn't ease Jocelyn's fear very well. When the sun finally did start to rise, Jocelyn was brought in, unconscious. Jowan hovered around her and Holly wondered at his anxiety.

She knew he was close to her, but it was her understanding he was seeing someone else in secret. Jocelyn was still seeing the Templar, as far as Holly knew. Cullen had been one of the Templar to bring her back and she could tell he was still enamored with her. Before she could decide to talk to him, though, another apprentice came up to her and told her Mira, the senior enchanter who had taken Wynne's place while the older mage was at Ostagar, was looking for her. Confused, Holly thanked the apprentice and then looked for Mira. She was in the library when Holly found her and her new mentor was looking very serious when she approached.

"What's the matter, Mira?" Holly asked as she got close.

"We need to talk, in private." The older mage led her to one of the rooms they used for training and then looked at her, sternly. "I have a witness that has claimed to see you doing disturbing things."

Holly scoffed. "The worst I've done is to return to my bunk after curfew, twice."

"And what have you been doing that has kept you out so late?" Holly blushed violently.

"Well... since Anders got out..." Holly smiled, embarrassed. "It's been like therapy for me..."

"Unfortunately that leads to other accusations." Mira said. "Since we have no proof of what the witness says, we can only keep you confined for a while until we sort this mess out."

"What? You're making me go back into that room?" Holly stared at her mentor in shock. "I haven't done anything wrong!"

"Then you shouldn't have anything to worry about, dear." Mira frowned. "You will go willingly?" Holly glared at the woman, but nodded.

"Jocelyn just finished her Harrowing." Holly said. "Can't I at least congratulate her first?" Mira sighed and shook her head.

"Give the girl some space. The Harrowing is a stressful ordeal and she'll need time to recover." Holly growled and followed Mira to her old room. The sound of the key in the door filled Holly with anger and bitterness and she kicked the bed in frustration. She felt like they treated her differently than the others, like she was still a threat to them, and she wondered if they suspected her in the Templar death after all.

Imprisoning her was only the first step. She didn't think they were planning on letting her out and she had no way to tell Anders or Jocelyn what was happening. What would they tell her friends when they would ask about her? She walked over to the window and stared out at the water. Maybe she could escape, but she'd need something to make a ladder out of. She didn't have enough sheets to do anything with and there was no rope to be had anywhere. She grumbled and started trying to figure out something to bide her time.

 

* * *

 

That night, she entered the Fade to find Anders so she could tell him what had happened. It took a while, but when he saw her, he ran over to her.

"Are you all right?" He asked, looking worried. "They won't tell me where you are!"

"They locked me up!" She cried. "They said there's a witness who says they saw me doing something disturbing, but all I've been doing is hanging out with you! I'm so scared!"

He grasped her in a hug. "Then what I need to tell you won't help anything." She jerked back.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Your friend... Jocelyn." Anders said. "She helped Jowan escape and was recruited by the Grey Wardens. Jowan was a blood mage." Holly felt her heart stop.

"Jocelyn... and Jowan? Both gone?" She asked. "I... I didn't even get to speak with her today! Why is this happening all at once?" She started crying.

"I don't know, love, but I'm here for you, even if I can't break through the door to get to you."

 

* * *

 

The next day, no one came to speak with her. Someone brought her food, but the woman wouldn't even look at her. Holly knew something bad was going to happen, but she didn't know what. She entered the Fade again that night, hoping for a distraction. As she wandered around, she felt an incredibly strong call coming from a dream. She wasn't sure she could resist it even if she tried, so she changed into the tiger and entered it. Prowling around, she saw a large group of Templars attacking the first-enchanter. Holly was shocked to see him as a dreamer and suddenly felt it was a trap. She back peddled and tried to escape, but she was suddenly paralyzed.

As it grew silent, she heard Irving say, "I had a feeling you were real, but I had to see for myself. You realized this was a trap, too. Interesting." As she regained movement, she faced the first-enchanter, scared and uncertain. "You are a formidable mage already, child."

"I'm not a threat!" She said.

"You killed a Templar."

"It was an accident!" She cried. "I had no idea!"

"After what he did to you, I can't say it wasn't warranted." Irving shook his head. "But these powers... They are too dangerous. At first we suspected blood magic at play with Cedrik's death, and then with the rumors of the tiger." He chuckled. "You can change back to your human form, if you wish, Holly."

"I... feel more comfortable as a tiger." She said. The weight of depression was weighing her down and she wondered if she should go out with a fight or if she should just bow down and allow them to take her. "Surely the special circumstances surrounding Cedrik's death can give me some leeway?" She asked, pleading.

He gave her a sad look. "We have already called for the Rite of Tranquility." Her heart stopped and she couldn't breathe. They would take her life away, lobotomize her, out of fear!

"No, please don't do this." She begged. "You did this to me! I don't want to lose who I am! I never wanted to be a mage in the first place, but you forced me! And then the Templars raped me and in my rage, yes, I killed one, but it was an accident! You can't just take away everything..." She stopped, she was crying too hard to focus, and she ran out of the dream, disappearing before Irving could stop her. She found Anders and grabbed him.

"They're going to make me tranquil!" She cried, hysterical. "Don't let them do this! I don't want to lose myself, for nothing! They know it was me who killed Cedrik, they know what I can do and they fear it! They think I'm too dangerous! Please help me!" She broke down sobbing as Anders clung to her, too shocked to say anything.

"Holly..." His voice cracked. "Wake me up. Maybe... maybe I can save you." She kissed him, and then woke him up. She left the Fade and woke up herself. She got dressed and paced the room. It hadn't been long when she heard the key in the door and her heart was back in her throat. Seeing Greagoir, followed by many Templars and the first-enchanter, sent her into a panic.

"Please don't do this to me!" She begged. "I swear I'm not a threat! Please!"

"Restrain her." The knight-commander said, his voice cold and unfeeling. A couple Templars grabbed her arms and held her tight while another one approached her with the brand. In her fear, she jumped into the Fade, desperate to escape. As she ran around the Fade in a blind panic, she felt it when the brand hit her skin. She felt nauseous and disoriented as the world started spinning around her and she 'fell' back into her body. As she opened her eyes, she saw Anders staring at her, cradling her in his arms with tears streaming down his distraught face. In the back of her head, she could still feel a hint of the love she had for him, but it was like a distant memory that was fading. She blinked and sat up.

"How do you feel?" The knight-commander asked.

"I feel well, knight-commander." She said, her voice strangely flat.

"Come on then, we'll get you settled in your new quarters." As she got up, she saw Anders sobbing on the floor and felt sorry for him, but otherwise she didn't really feel anything.

 

 


	7. Spirits and distractions

A few days later, a few of the mages who had gone to Ostagar returned, exhausted and still injured. Holly was calm as she helped the healers, not even feeling the slightest bit of anxiety over the situation. When she got to Wynne, her old mentor stared at her, shocked.

"Oh child, what have they done to you?" She said, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"I was too powerful." She said. "I never wanted to be a mage anyway." She no longer had any feelings on the matter and wasn't sure why the old mage felt so sorry for her. She was content. Wynne gave her a small halfhearted smile and nodded.

A week or so after that, Uldred went insane and Holly watched as abominations filled the tower. Not wanting to be added to the dead, Holly tried to escape, but encountered a demon rising from the ground in front of her. It shot a hand out and she felt a shock to her mind as emotions poured back in. She blasted the demon with an ice spell and ran out of the room. In the turmoil, she managed to escape the tower without being seen and ran into the water, swimming to shore. When she made it to the other side, she lay on the beach and sobbed as she tried to sort through all her emotions.

She had to find Anders, she had to tell him what had happened. She jumped into the Fade and searched for him, but her search proved futile. When she woke up, it was morning and she was stiff and sore. As she stood up and looked around, she felt her connection to the Fade slowly slipping away again. She made up her mind to find Anders, tranquil or not, and her first step would be to head to Denerim. As she lost her emotions again, she couldn't remember why she had to find Anders, but at least she knew she had to find him. Remembering the maps in the tower, she headed north on the road.

She hadn't gone far when she saw a group of travelers coming towards her. She wondered if they had any food she could have since she needed to eat if she were to keep up her strength and get to Denerim. One of the travelers suddenly ran up to her, her face quickly going from pleasantly surprised to horror.

"Holly!" Jocelyn said, grabbing her friend's shoulders. "Maker... what did they do to you?" She was shocked, staring at the brand on Holly's forehead.

"I have been made tranquil." She said. "I am heading to Denerim, but I need food." She could tell Jocelyn was distressed and it made her uncomfortable. Her other companions were looking at her sadly.

Jocelyn looked at a male warrior and said, "This is Holly... She was my best friend at the tower this past year. I never got to say goodbye..." She looked at Holly and then hugged her.

"There's nothing we can do for her, Jocelyn." The man said, putting a hand on Jocelyn's shoulder.

"We could kill her." A female with black hair spoke up, looking unimpressed.

"I would prefer not to die." Holly said. "I am going to Denerim. I need to find Anders." Jocelyn looked perplexed.

"Did someone tell you to find Anders?" She asked.

"I did." She said. "Last night, when the demon touched my head and I remembered. I gave myself an order to find Anders before I became tranquil again." The group looked at her oddly. Jocelyn grabbed some rations and gave Holly a bag and a water pouch.

"It isn't much, but may the Maker be with you on your journey." She said.

"I've never heard of a tranquil becoming un-tranquil before." The man said. "Is that even possible?"

"Would she lie about such a thing?" A redheaded woman asked. "It seems to me that the tranquil are incapable of lying."

"I have no reason to lie to you." Holly said.

"Wait, wait, wait." Jocelyn said, looking concerned. "You said a demon touched you? What happened at the tower?"

"Uldred summoned demons and turned mages into abominations." Holly said. "I do not know if any still live."

Turning to the others, Jocelyn said, "We have to hurry. If we're going to save the boy, we need to save the tower first!" She then looked at Holly. "Why don't you travel with us for a time? We'll be going to Denerim soon and it's safer that way. The roads are dangerous, and without your magic, you wouldn't last very long at all."

"That is a good idea." Holly said. "Very well, I will travel with you."

"Stay with Bodhan, the dwarf." Jocelyn said.

 

* * *

 

Holly just stood around while Jocelyn and her friends went into the tower. The warrior was named Alistair and he was another Grey Warden like Jocelyn. The black haired woman was Morrigan, an apostate, and the redhead was Leliana. Also with them was a large grey skinned qunari named Sten and the two dwarves, Bodhan and his son Sandal. Bodhan seemed a little disturbed by Holly, but she didn't pay much attention unless he asked her a question. She was content to just exist. It wasn't until the next morning that Jocelyn came back with her companions, as well as Wynne. When Wynne saw Holly, her eyes crinkled as if she was going to cry, but she smiled.

"I am glad to see you survived." She said.

"So am I." Holly said. "I feel death would be unpleasant and do not wish to experience it." Wynne slowly nodded and walked on by.

 

* * *

 

They walked down to Redcliffe, as Jocelyn explained, to save Arl Eamon's son from demonic possession. They were hoping it would wake the arl from his coma, but they had no idea. Jocelyn told Holly all about how Jowan had betrayed her at the tower, leaving her for the Templars, and then about how she had found him at Redcliffe and how he was the one who had poisoned the arl. After a while, Jocelyn stopped talking to Holly, and Holly thought her friend seemed a bit depressed and didn't know why. She wasn't suffering.

They made it back to the castle just before sundown and gathered in the main hall. Holly spotted Jowan, as well as Irving and a few other Circle mages. While Jocelyn talked to the mages, Jowan came up to Holly.

"They made you tranquil." He said. He sounded exhausted, emotionally. "Why would they make you tranquil?"

"My power was too dangerous." She said. "They found out I was the tiger and the threat had to be neutralized. I never wanted to be a mage in the first place, anyway." His eyes went wide.

"You? You could go into people's dreams, and change your shape?" He asked. She merely nodded. He frowned, then walked away and Holly focused on the mages as they prepared the ritual. As they sent Jocelyn into the Fade, Holly felt sick to her stomach and backed up until she felt the wall. Confusing emotions flooded her again as her connection to the Fade was restored and she looked around again. She saw Morrigan staring at her, but everyone else was focused elsewhere. Sneaking around, Morrigan pulled Holly into the foyer and pressed her against the wall.

"What just happened?" She asked.

Holly blinked back tears. "Something reconnected me to the Fade. It happened at the tower, too, when the demon touched me. I don't want to revert." She started crying. The Wilds witch stared at her, contemplating.

"This is very interesting indeed." She said. "But this is only a temporary thing?" Holly wiped her eyes.

"I... It was last time." Holly said. "It's horrible, being tranquil. I don't know any better when I'm tranquil, but knowing the difference... I almost think death is preferable. But I need to find Anders before I die at least."

"Is this Anders a lover of yours?" Morrigan asked, smirking.

Holly frowned. "Yes, and my best friend. He's the one who helped me through so much my first year, I just wanted to thank him. And tell him goodbye."

"Do you wish any others to know you're only partially tranquil?" Morrigan asked.

"Not Irving! Please!" Holly said, speaking quietly. "He ordered the Rite on me, and I don't want him to know I can come out of it." There was a bit of a commotion in the hall as Jocelyn returned, distracting Holly and Morrigan. Jocelyn went with Bann Teagan, Arl Eamon's brother, and Alistair to see the arl, but Holly stayed behind. She put on a passive expression as the mages took Jowan out, wondering what they would do to him. If he was lucky, they would execute him. If he was unlucky, they would make him tranquil... She had no idea how long her clarity would last, but she hoped she could speak to Jocelyn before hand. She hurried out to the camp where Bodhan was, and stood waiting for Jocelyn to get back. When Holly saw Jocelyn coming her way, she ran to her friend and hugged her.

"Oh Jocelyn!" She cried. She could feel Jocelyn tense up and so she backed off. "I don't know how long this is going to last, but I'm at least glad I can talk to you for a little bit." She started tearing up again.

"Holly, what happened? How is this even possible?" Jocelyn asked, shocked.

"I don't know! I don't want to go back, I don't want to be tranquil anymore!" She cried. Jocelyn grabbed her and hugged her as she started crying

again.

"I wish I could help!" Jocelyn said, tearing up. As Holly calmed down a little, she saw the others staring at her, especially Wynne.

"Did something happen to you at the tower?" Wynne asked. Holly couldn't read her expression.

"A demon touched my head." She said. "I don't know if it has to do with my abilities, or not, though. I was in the Fade when they branded me. I... can enter the Fade at will, shape it to my will, enter dreams, and change my shape... I was the tiger." She looked down at the ground. "And they who made me that way, took it away. They took away my friends, they took away my love..." She clenched her fists.

"They were afraid of what you could do." Jocelyn said. "You... you killed Cedrik?" Holly nodded.

"It was an accident though!" She said. "I didn't mean to, and I didn't realize it would carry over into the real world. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Even after... even after what they did to me."

"I can't fault you for killing him, Holly." Jocelyn said. "He deserved it. He deserved worse."

"I need to find Anders." Holly said. "I need to tell him goodbye at least."

"And you think he's in Denerim?" Jocelyn asked. "We need to go there anyway, so we can go with you."

"I don't know where he is." Holly said. "I hope he's in Denerim. I hope he at least comes to Denerim eventually. I won't leave until I see him. I tried to find him in the Fade the night Uldred went crazy, but I couldn't..."

Jocelyn hugged her friend again. "We'll find him, don't worry."

"He saw me..." Holly said, choking up again. "He saw me become tranquil and couldn't stop it. I remember seeing him..." She closed her eyes and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "At least when I'm tranquil, I'm not an emotional wreck."

When they sat down to eat, Jocelyn told Holly again about what happened with Jowan, how she was recruited into the Grey Wardens, how the teyrn betrayed the king at Ostagar and the Witch of the Wilds saved her and Alistair from the darkspawn, and about how Jowan had been hired by the arlessa to tutor her son in private and how he'd been hired to poison the arl, which led to the boy making a deal with a demon. Holly was certainly impressed, but at the same time felt a little smaller. Her problems were so tiny compared to what Jocelyn was up against, but she didn't think she'd be able to help her friend while tranquil. She'd be better off staying at Denerim.

That night, Holly still hadn't lost her connection to the Fade so she sought out Anders again. He was dreaming when she found him and she hesitated, wondering if she should disturb the dream, then decided she needed to see him at least once while she was still in her own mind. She entered the dream and looked around. He was dreaming he was still in the tower and he was trying to find a certain book to help him escape. She changed her clothes to a flowing white gown that was rather promiscuous looking and ran her hands up his back.

He turned, surprised, and she quickly changed the room to a bedroom, pushing him back onto the bed and straddling him. His eyes were wide and he looked like he was trying to say something, but she put a finger to his lips and shushed him. She bent over and started kissing his neck, filling him with whatever happy, sensual feelings she could think of. As she started kissing down his neck, she made their clothing disappear and ran her hands along his body. She was nervous thinking about what she was about to do, but she had control of the dream and could make him feel as good as possible, even if she wasn't that good.

She had him moaning and grabbing the sheets while she ran her tongue over him and it made her feel good that she could do that to him. She then placed herself on him and while moving her hips, she leaned forward and started kissing him. His kisses were urgent and he was delirious with passion. He flipped her onto her back and kissed her roughly as she fueled his desire. Then he cried out as he climaxed and fell on top of her, exhausted.

"You... you're a demon, aren't you..." He said, panting as he rolled off her.

"No, love, I'm not a demon." She said. "I don't have much time, I can already feel my connection wearing off. I just... wanted to see you again."

He became alert and looked at her. "Holly? You're... you're not a dream? But I saw them..."

"I'm going to Denerim." She said. "Look for me there. I don't know if I'll get another chance like this... it's fading. I love you, Anders." She kissed him one last time as she faded away.

 

* * *

 

In the morning, Jocelyn looked at Holly sadly as they packed up their things. Holly wasn't sure why and didn't really worry about it. She kept telling her that she was fine, that it didn't bother her. She remembered telling Jocelyn that she hated being tranquil, but it wasn't true. She was content and

her life was much simpler. As they walked to Denerim, Holly walked beside the dwarves and didn't really think about anything.

Once they got to Denerim, Jocelyn asked Holly, "Do you know what you're going to do?"

"I need a job." She said. "And I will wait for Anders. He will come."

"What happens when he comes?" Jocelyn asked.

"I don't know." Holly said. "We will probably say goodbye and he will go about his way."

"And so you'll just stay here and work then?" Jocelyn frowned.

"It is a good possibility, yes." She said. She couldn't tell why her friend seemed to be upset. Jocelyn took her to a store called the Wonders of Thedas and asked the tranquil there if Holly could stay and help out in exchange for food and lodging. He said she could clean and sleep in the back. As

Jocelyn said goodbye, she hesitated.

"I hate just leaving you." She said.

"I'm fine, Jocelyn." Holly said. "I don't know why you're so worried about me."

"It's just so weird, seeing you tranquil one moment, and then back to normal the next." Jocelyn said. "I wish I knew how to help you."

"I am content, I do not need help." She said.

"You aren't content when you get your connection to the Fade back." Jocelyn said, anger in her voice. "I don't want to leave that part of you alone. What if you get your connection back while you're here, and you have no one to talk to about it?"

"I'm certain I will cope." Holly said.

"I... well. You know you can always look me up in the Fade." Jocelyn said, defeated.

 

* * *

 

It was a week before Anders came into the shop. Holly had settled into her role, cleaning the shop every day, making sure everything was just right. She hadn't experienced reconnecting to the Fade again, and she didn't give it any thought. When Anders came in, She walked over to him.

"Good afternoon, Anders." She said. "May I be of assistance?" He looked at her so sadly as he reached a hand up to her face.

"So it's true?" He asked, his voice cracking. "You have... reconnected to the Fade for a time?"

"My connection to the Fade has, on two separate occasions, been restored, yes." She said. "The first time was when a demon touched me, the second was when they sent Jocelyn into the Fade to battle a demon possessing a boy. During those times, my desire to find you was strong. I wanted to tell you goodbye. I believe I was hoping that I would have one of those moments with you around, but that does not seem likely."

"Do you truly not mind being tranquil now?" He asked.

"I am content." She said. He frowned, unsure of what to do or say.

"Would it be possible for you to come with me for a time?" He said. She turned to the tranquil proprietor and told him she would be back shortly and he merely nodded in return. She followed Anders out and through the city to a small inn. It was run down and didn't look like it cost much to stay in, but Holly didn't care. He unlocked his room and ushered her in, locking the door behind them. She found a seat and sat down, just staring into nothingness and Anders shifted uncomfortably.

"I... want to try something, with your permission." He said, sitting down across from her.

"You want to see if you can reconnect me to the Fade." She said.

"I don't know that it will work, though. I mean, you said the first time, a demon touched you. The second time also involved a demon and I... don't play with demons. But I am a spirit healer." He took her hands and they started glowing blue. She could feel a buzzing in the back of her head, but otherwise she was unchanged. He frowned, then tried it again while holding her head. She felt a twinge, but then nothing. He looked frustrated and got up, running his hands over his face.

"I am content as I am." She said.

"But when you're you... you aren't." He said. "If there's a way to cure you..." He clenched his fists. "No one has ever found a way to undo the rite. No one has ever experienced a reconnection to the Fade before."

"I am not of this world, nor were my abilities that of normal mages." She said. "I had also entered the Fade when they preformed the rite on me. I do not think it can be duplicated."

"But surely there's a way to undo it for you!" He said. "It's happened to you twice now!" Holly stood up.

"You should not worry about me." She said. "I am needed back at the store."

"I'm not going to give up on you that easily." He said as she walked to the door.

"Please let me out." She said.

"You can't just tell me to come see you, and then run off!" He said, desperation in his voice. "Please let me try something else!"

"Why do you seek to prolong your suffering?" She asked, looking at him with her emotionless eyes. "The woman you are looking for no longer exists."

"But she does, and she asked me to find her." He said. "I don't want to give up on her without at least trying."

"Very well." Holly said.

 

* * *

 

Weeks had passed and Anders had not been able to reconnect Holly to the Fade. He was starting to talk about summoning demons when he decided that it would be better for him to just leave. Holly said that if she reconnected, she was certain she would look for him in the Fade.

Months later, the city was attacked by darkspawn. Holly had been tending the store when the sounds of battle started getting louder. As Holly continued to clean, she heard screaming outside and then strange roaring, and she felt emotions flooding back into her, but she didn't have time to stop and sort them out. Dropping the broom, she grabbed one of the staffs from the back and ran outside. An abomination was tearing through darkspawn, but it was losing. Holly used the distraction and ran towards the city gates, toasting what she could and calling for others to follow her. As they tried to get to the gate, Holly saw Jocelyn charging through, spinning spells from her staff like she was made of magic, killing darkspawn left and right. Jocelyn smiled when she saw Holly helping out and as soon as there was a lull in the fighting, she hugged her friend.

"Oh Holly, I'm so glad to see you!"

"You too, Jo." Holly said, so happy to see her friend again while not tranquil. "I'm not sure how long this is going to last though. I thought I should get as many people to safety as I can while I can."

"We can't stay here, we have to get rid of this archdemon, otherwise I'd love to help. I wish you weren't going to lose this... And become tranquil again..."

Holly frowned. "I'll be all right. Don't worry about me, just stay alive, for both our sakes."

"I'm not planning on letting her throw her life away, don't worry." Alistair said, smiling as he wrapped an arm around Jocelyn's shoulders. Holly raised an eyebrow and smirked, receiving a shrug in return.

"You take good care of my friend, you hear? " Holly said. She was smiling but she was feeling like it was goodbye forever. "If I hear you hurt her, tranquil or not, I'll hunt you down in the Fade and give you nightmares."

"Couldn't be any worse than the ones I already have... " Alistair grumbled.

"I'm sorry we couldn't have more time, but I think we need to go now." Holly said. "Jo... You've been an amazing friend. Take care of yourself and don't worry about me. I'll be fine." Jocelyn hugged Holly again and with one final look, she turned and ran off into the oncoming darkspawn hoard. Holly

ushered her people to the gate and to safety. Once they were safe, Holly wondered if she should go back, or use the time she had to find Anders. She cursed as she ran back into the city to help fight. Anders would have to wait.

 

* * *

 

Holly wasn't sure how much time had passed since the fighting had started, but she was injured and lying in the midst of a broken building, hoping the darkspawn would not find her as she slipped into darkness. Once in the Fade, Holly looked for Anders. She hoped she had enough time to at least say goodbye. It took some time but she finally found him, staring towards the Black City.

"Anders..." she said. He turned and looked at her with such a mournful look she wasn't sure it had been a good idea to find him.

"I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again." He said.

"You tried to help, but I don't think either of us wants to use the help of a demon for it." She said. "I don't know if I even have much time left in general anymore. Denerim is being attacked. The archdemon is in Denerim right now and I'm lying in a destroyed building, broken and bleeding. I'd rather find a cure for me, but if death means I won't be tranquil anymore..." He pulled her to him and hugged her tight.

"I'd never get there in time to save you..." He said quietly. "I've never been able to save you... Not from the Templars, not from tranquility, and not from the darkspawn..."

"But you've always been there for me." she said. "Through everything. You've been my best friend and I can't thank you enough, for everything. If it hadn't been for you, I may have gone completely insane by now." she smiled up at him.

"I suppose this is goodbye then." He said. "I'll never forget you." He kissed her deeply and long, and she relished it. She didn't want to become tranquil again but she didn't want to die either. It didn't seem like she had much say in the matter though.

As he broke away from her, she said, "I can feel my body getting weaker, and my connection to the Fade is slipping... Don't let my memory hold you back. Enjoy your life. Know that you made mine so much better."

"Holly... "

"I love you."

"I love you too." Then the darkness enveloped her and she knew nothing.

 

* * *

 

A deep musical voice broke through the darkness, smooth and calming. "So much life... so much desire to live... desire to do good..."

 

* * *

  

Holly was stiff and sore as she tried to wake up. She laid in the bed, listening to all the sounds around her before she attempted to open her eyes. They felt glued shut and the light was so bright when she finally opened her eyes that she had to shut them again. As she lay there, she realized that her connection to the Fade was still there. Her eyes shot open and she frantically looked for the abomination but she was blinded by the light. She struggled to get up, feeling so weak that she fell out of the bed when she tried to stand. Voices filled her ears and suddenly hands were touching her, pulling at her. She fought, bewildered, until she passed out.

 

* * *

 

Holly was surprised when she woke up in the Fade. Looking around, there was nothing to be seen aside from the scenery. She decided she should find Anders while she had time, to tell him what had happened, and set out to search for him. After a while, she realized he was probably not in the Fade. Perhaps he wasn't even asleep.

"You are looking for someone?" It was that deep musical voice again. Holly turned and looked at the spirit. It looked like a young man with long flowing hair, dressed in a mage robe.

Holly nodded. "My friend, Anders. He probably thinks I'm dead and I wanted to tell him otherwise, but I can't find him." She paused. "I'm a little confused, though. You're a spirit, but you're talking to me."

"I have been watching you for a time." The spirit said. "I am a spirit of Compassion and you have piqued my curiosity in you. When I found you with your life force fading, I felt a desire to help you, as you have a desire to help others. I could not let you die."

"What does that mean?" Holly asked, confused. "How did you save me? Is that why my connection to the Fade hasn't disappeared?"

"We have bonded." The spirit said simply. "It was the only way to save you."

"Bonded?" She asked. "That isn't like becoming an abomination, right?"

"What you call an abomination is when a demon takes full control." There was anger in the voice now. "I will not control you. However, our lives are connected, intertwined, now." Holly was shocked, but she had no idea how to feel about it.

"Does this mean I'm no longer tranquil then?" She gasped. "That I'll never feel that disconnect again?"

The spirit looked at her with curiosity. "I can create that disconnect again, if you really want."

"No!" Holly yelled. Calming down a little, she continued, "No, please. There might be times where it's necessary, since I don't want to be forced to go through that process again, but for now... I need to talk to my friends and I need to be in the Fade to do that."

"Very well. I will be around if you need me." The spirit faded out of sight and Holly was left on her own. She had no idea what time of day it was, but she decided to search for Jocelyn and Anders anyway. She had no concept of time, she just searched until she found one. Her friend looked different, older, depressed. The war had really taken its toll on Jocelyn and Holly was afraid to talk to her, but had to.

"Jocelyn..." Holly said, trying not to startle the mage.

"Oh Holly..." Jocelyn rushed to her, grasping her in a hug. "We thought you were dead! We hadn't heard any news in so long. Anders... Oh Holly... Anders is gone. I quit the Wardens after..." Holly felt like she got sucker punched and found it hard to breathe.

"He's gone? He died?" She asked, freaking out. "How long have I been out?"

"It's been almost a year, Holly." Jocelyn said wearily. "Anders joined the Wardens and helped us finish off the darkspawn, but... the Templars infiltrated our ranks and ambushed him. We don't know what happened, we never found his body so we don't really know... all the Templars died, even the recruit who betrayed Anders. I left shortly after..."

"I... I don't know what to say." Holly's voice was barely audible. How in the Maker's name had she been out for a _year_? "I kind of wish I had died now... At least you're all right?"

Jocelyn shrugged. "I suppose. With Alistair king, it's hard to see him anymore, but at least we're both alive. And the threat to the land is over now and the Ferelden Wardens are growing. I'm just so exhausted, Holly. I'm done. I think I'm just going to disappear for a while."

"I'll come find you one of these days." Holly said. "But maybe... it won't be too bad being tranquil now."

Jocelyn hugged her friend tightly. "I'll come visit someday. I miss you."

"Take care, you hear?"

 


	8. The End

Holly was busy cleaning the shelves in the Wonders of Thedas. She barely noticed that it had been six years since she had first been made tranquil, her job keeping her occupied and her tranquility keeping her from experiencing boredom. She had asked the spirit to keep her tranquil until it deemed it

necessary for her to react. She never thought of much, never wondered, she just existed and did as she was told and she was content. Every so often, the spirit would bring her into the Fade to talk to her, and Holly would contemplate asking him to let her be herself so she could travel, but she never followed

through. Holly had just pulled out a dusty novel when the door opened.

She turned and greeted the Templar. "Welcome to the Wonders of Thedas. How may I assist you?" She recognized the man as Kynon, the one who had raped her so many years back, but she felt nothing. He stared at her, a look of sadness and regret on his face, and then he reached over and lightly ran a finger over the brand on her forehead.

"This... was my fault." He said.

"It was inevitable." She said.

"I've spoken with the other mages. You helped a lot of people, you weren't a danger." He glanced at a book that was lying open on the table and absentmindedly started flipping through it. "Cedrik deserved what he got. I deserved more than these scars. Why didn't you kill me as well?" He looked back up at her.

"Cedrik said the fault lay with the mages. You knew the fault was your own and accepted your death as inevitable." She said. "I did not mean to kill Cedrik, but his words drove me into a rage."

"Something you no longer get to experience." He said. "I still regret what I did back then. I wish I could take it back, start over. We ruined so many lives... I heard about Anders. He was your lover, wasn't he? They say he became possessed and killed a large group of Templars before disappearing."

"We were romantically involved, yes." She said, still looking at him with that blank expression, her words flat and emotionless. It seemed to disturb him, but he shook his head and smiled.

"I'm sorry to have troubled you. I should be leaving now." He bowed his head a little and then left and she continued in her work as if nothing had happened.

 

* * *

 

The following day, Kynon returned and spoke with the tranquil proprietor while Holly swept. After a while, the tranquil approached Holly.

"This man says you are to go with him to Kirkwall." He said. Holly looked at the Templar for a moment, then handed the other tranquil her broom as she followed the Templar out. He kept glancing at her and seemed nervous, but she didn't care. At first, he tried to make small talk, but he eventually gave up.

After the first night, as they started heading out again, Holly asked him, "What is my job?"

"Oh, um, I just needed someone to help me with things, like cooking, carrying things... you know." Holly didn't press the matter and he didn't feel like pursuing it either. When they arrived at Kinloch hold, he ordered Holly to stay at the Spoiled Princess until he returned from the tower, so she found a seat inside and waited. It was a day before he got back and he had a young Templar with him.

"Holly, this is Lann." Kynon said, gesturing to the Templar. "He will be accompanying us to Kirkwall." Holly stood up and nodded.

"Why are we bringing one of _them_ with us?" Lann asked. "Is she going to be something to keep us from getting bored at night?" The young Templar winked at his superior and smirked, but backed down as Kynon glared at him.

"We are delivering her to the Circle in Kirkwall, and while she is with us, she will be helping with meals and carrying packs, nothing more."

"All right, all right, no need to bite my head off!" Lann said, putting his hands up in surrender. Kynon stormed out of the inn, followed by Lann and Holly.

 

* * *

 

They made their way up the Imperial Highway, heading towards Amaranthine, making decent timing. Lann kept making inappropriate jokes concerning the tranquil or women and when Kynon would get mad, he'd just say that it wasn't like Holly cared, why should he? When they were maybe a day's journey to the city of Amaranthine, they stopped and made camp in a small clearing just off the road. Kynon allowed Lann to stand watch for the first leg, and about halfway through, he laid down next to Holly. She had been sleeping but woke up when he starting running a hand down her body. She was surprised to find that she was connected to the Fade again, but tried to pretend she was still tranquil.

"That is uncomfortable." She said. "Please stop."

"Oh, so you do have feelings?" Lann asked, laughing. "And here I thought you were just a mindless body that did as it was told." She suddenly sat up and looked around.

"I feel something coming." She said. Lann looked confused and surveyed the area, but couldn't see anything.

"Are you certain?" He asked. She could sense an abomination nearby and wished she had her staff with her. Before Lann could make sense of what was happening, the abomination tore into their camp and Holly started blasting it with all the spells she could think of. Kynon quickly got up and began hacking at it with his sword, too worried about killing it to notice Holly was using magic. They made short work of it, and it fell into a lifeless heap on the ground. As Kynon put his sword away, he stared at Holly as she dropped to her knees, crying.

"Holly! What... you... you aren't tranquil?" He asked, shocked.

"It comes and goes." She said, trying to calm herself. She didn't want him to know the truth, she didn't want him to know she was bonded with a spirit... She also didn't want the Templars to be near her. She continued to sob and Kynon carefully pulled her into a hug while Lann stared at them, trying to figure out what had just happened.

"Is this even possible?" Lann asked. "How is this happening? One minute she's this mindless, lifeless body and then she's suddenly an overemotional wreck?" The older Templar glared at him.

"I don't know how it's possible." He said. As Holly calmed down a bit, she stood up and quickly stepped away from Kynon, hugging her arms to her body. She felt sick being with the Templars, especially as one had touched her already.

"Even after all these years, I remember it so clearly still." Holly said, looking at the Templar. "I'm not sure I can ever truly forgive you, you know, no matter how sincere your apology." Kynon hung his head.

"I understand." He said. "But how is it you are no longer tranquil?"

"I think it has to do with coming in contact with a spirit or demon." She said. "It started when a demon touched me after Uldred's uprising." She turned to Lann. "And yes, even the tranquil can be uncomfortable. Just because my mind is locked away doesn't give you or anyone else the right to touch me!"

"I... I'm sorry, I..." Lann started stammering.

"You tried to take advantage of her?" Kynon asked, his tone dangerous.

"If he does it again, I might kill him." She said.

Lann scoffed. "Oh like you could injure me..." His smirk faded when he saw Kynon pointing to the scars on his face.

"She did this, and she killed another Templar, through the Fade." Kynon said. "For doing exactly what you were about to. Never underestimate a mage." Lann frowned as he stared at Holly.

"I suppose since I'm 'awake' now I might as well ask." Holly said. "Why did you bring me with you? I can't imagine that you would truly need a tranquil, and considering you didn't want to take me into the tower, I suspect they wouldn't approve." Kynon frowned.

"I don't really know why." He said. "I just... couldn't stand to see you there, in that shop, being... tranquil. I spoke to Jocelyn a few years back and she told me that while you were with her at the beginning of the Blight, and at the end, that you had regained your mind for a moment. I suppose I just

wanted to help you, to make up for what I did."

She smiled sadly. "I don't know if it's good to be connected to the Fade again or not, knowing that it's only temporary, but thank you. Is it true, what you said about Anders? Is he really an abomination?" She looked at the remains of the abomination they'd just killed, remembering what Jocelyn had told her.

"We don't know." He said. "A Templar was sent to the Grey Wardens to keep an eye on him, but all we found was the recruit surrounded by Templars, all dead and the evidence points to an abomination." Holly closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "This was maybe five years ago, not long after the Blight ended. We haven't heard anything since."

"How long does this last?" Lann asked.

"I'm not sure, maybe a few hours?" She said, shrugging. She still didn't want them to know about Compassion.

"We still have most of the night to get through." Kynon said. "We should probably get some sleep. I'll take watch." Lann nodded and laid down on his bedroll. Holly stared at her bedroll for a moment before lying down, knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep. She didn't think there was any point in going into the Fade unless she wanted to find Jocelyn. She stared at the sky through the trees for a while, until she was sure Lann was asleep, and then got up to talk to Kynon.

"Did it hurt?" She asked. "When I gave you those scars?"

He shook his head. "It barely hurt. It was like a flash of pain and then I woke up. But you had scared me deeply. They kept me in a holding cell for a while, until I would talk about it. I almost lost my shield, you know, but they decided to just transfer me to Lothering. At least, until the Blight took it."

"If you were able to help people, then I'm glad I didn't take your life." She said. "Even though I don't think things are as good as they should be, Templars are needed. There just needs to be a better balance, not this prison system... one where the Templars are so easily able to abuse their power." She

glared at him, wondering how he felt about it.

"I... think you're right." He said. "The Circle has really tightened the leash since the Blight, especially after what happened with Uldred. He was able to corrupt so many young minds and the Circle fears it happening again."

"But if they keep tightening the leash, it'll only get worse."

"There have been rumors of something happening in Kirkwall." He said. "We asked to be transferred there to help out if we can, but some people aren't sure it's wise. The knight-commander there is reported to be feared even by her own Templars."

"I suppose we'll have to see for ourselves..." Holly sighed. She spent the next hour just talking to the Templar about what had been going on for the past five years. She'd missed so much in a country she knew so little about, and she wasn't really sure how she felt about it. Jocelyn had indeed vanished,

though Holly suspected Alistair knew where she was. Amaranthine and Vigil's Keep were rebuilt and doing great, as was Kinloch Hold and Denerim. As she laid down to sleep, she wondered if she should go to the Fade.

_Compassion..._ She thought. _I don't like being with these Templars. You can see what happened years ago, right? But I don't know if I want to be tranquil around them either..._

_You know what they'll do to you once they get to Kirkwall._ Compassion said. _Would it not be better to become tranquil again so you will not be so distressed? And so they will not try to force me out?_

Holly sighed. _You're right. I guess I'll talk to you when you wake me up next. Thank you._

 

* * *

 

They took their time getting to Kirkwall, stopping for a while in Amaranthine to stock up on supplies before getting on a boat to get to the Free Marches. When they finally did get to Kirkwall, the area where the Templars and mages were kept was suffocating. Holly recognized Cullen, who had been

promoted to knight-captain, but he didn't seem to notice her as they walked in. Kynon took her to a quiet area and told her to stay put while he took Lann to report for duty. Eventually, he got her a job helping at one of the shop stands there and she was kept as busy as possible with a barely busy store. Thankfully she didn't feel boredom.

Then one day, she saw Anders walking with a few other people into the Gallows. She found it a bit odd and assumed the rumors were false and didn't think on it further. They went and spoke to Cullen and then to another Templar named Thrask before turning to head out. The leader of their group stopped at the shop Holly worked at and Holly found herself face to face with Anders again. He stared at her, mouth agape.

"Maker..." He spoke softly. "Is it truly you?"

"It is." Holly said.

"You... I thought you'd died!" He said, his voice cracking.

"Friend of yours, Anders?" The leader asked. He was a male, possibly rogue, with short black hair, a beard, and a red mark across his nose. The other two in the group were elves; a male one with a large sword, strange bluish white tattoos and white hair, the other a female with a mage staff, Dalish tattoos, and black hair.

"Yes... I met her a long time ago in Ferelden." His eyes never left her.

"I take it she wasn't tranquil when you met." The rogue smirked.

"That is correct." Holly said. "I was turned tranquil a year after we met."

"I don't understand... Why here?" Anders asked.

"The Templar Kynon brought me." She said. "You may ask him yourself." She pointed at the Templar walking towards them. Anders' face twisted in anger as he watched the Templar approach. When Kynon saw Anders glaring at him, he looked grim.

"Anders." He said. "And here I thought you'd become an abomination. I thought you'd died."

"I couldn't be that lucky." Anders said. "What are you doing with Holly? If I find you've hurt her again in any way..." His fists clenched.

"She would have killed me, had I tried anything again." Kynon said. "She's not completely tranquil, as I'm sure you know."

"You've seen her...?" Anders asked, surprised.

"I don't understand." The rogue said. "What do you mean, not completely tranquil? I thought it was an all or nothing."

"Do you remember what happened with Karl?" Anders asked. "It has happened with Holly as well."

"Yes, it's true." Kynon said. "And she said that she can never really forgive me, for what it's worth." He glared at Anders. "I truly regret what I did, and I wanted to make reparations, in any way I could. But... I can't. She said that it would take a demon to make her whole again." Anders nodded and

looked at the ground.

"Yes... We decided against that." He said, to which the male elf raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"And yet you made a deal with a spirit?" The elf asked.

"If I had known..." Anders growled. He started thinking, then turned to Holly. "Please... come with me to my clinic." Kynon stepped in front of Holly, blocking her from the mage.

"I will not have you taking her to do strange experiments on her!" Kynon said, snarling. "I swore to protect her, and if you have become an abomination, I cannot trust you with her. I should strike you down where you stand, if you truly are an abomination!"

"Anders, not here." The rogue spoke quietly, laying a hand on the mage's shoulder. Anders shrugged the hand off.

"It isn't your decision to make, Templar." Anders said.

"Kynon, I do not believe he wishes me harm." Holly said. "Do not worry about me." The Templar shifted uncomfortably but didn't move.

"I do not trust him." Kynon said.

"Nor do I trust you." Anders said. The rogue rolled his eyes.

"Very well." Kynon said, moving. "I do not know why you have not been executed, mage, but I would watch my step if I were you." He stormed off and Anders turned back to Holly.

"Please come with me." He said, taking her hands in his. She nodded and informed the shop keeper, who grumbled in response. He wasn't happy about losing his help, but he wasn't about to contest the mage.

"My name is Hawke." The rogue said, smiling. "This is Fenris and Merrill." He gestured to the male and female elves.

"I am Holly." She said. Hawke shrugged then started walking away. They had to take a boat to the docks and then Anders separated from the others and led her to Darktown where his clinic was. When they got to the back of the clinic, Compassion woke Holly up and she grasped Anders in a desperate hug.

"Anders!" She cried. "I can't believe you're alive!" She felt him tense up, then slowly hugged her back.

"Maker, Holly..." He gasped. "I never thought I'd see you again... after you told me what happened..."

"I need to tell you something." She said. "I... I did die that night, but I was saved by a spirit of Compassion. We... bonded." He looked at her strangely.

"But how is it you were tranquil when I saw you in the Gallows?" He asked.

"Compassion and I decided it would be better if I still acted tranquil, to keep up the act." Holly shrugged. "I mean, what would people say if they saw someone marked as tranquil being a rogue mage? But everyone was saying you had become an abomination. What happened with you?"

"I met a spirit of Justice who was trapped outside the Fade and I offered my body as host." Anders said. "We have become one."

"Justice and Compassion." Holly laughed. "Sounds like a good pair." Anders hugged her, then kissed her deeply.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a bit of a shoddily done end, I wrote it many years ago and maybe one of these days I'll fix it up a bit. I'm open to suggestions, lol


End file.
